


To Love a Man, Love His Heart and His Mind

by mewsifer, SniperMoran



Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Beach Scientist and his Mycologist boyfriend, Heartman appreciates intelligence, Higgs is into mycology, Higgs is smarter than people give him credit for, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Sorry Not Sorry, Trans Higgs Monaghan, horny desperate boys are horny and desperate, some canon events
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:01:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22622971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mewsifer/pseuds/mewsifer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SniperMoran/pseuds/SniperMoran
Summary: An Alternate Universe with a chance meeting on the Beach.Takes place before Higgs follows Amelie and leads the Homo demens, but also Heartman's single and hasn't gone through the Voidout yet.
Relationships: Heartman/Higgs Monaghan
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

When someone passes onto the Beach, there is always a ripple in the chiralium field, a change in the way it smells and the way it tastes.  
Higgs could tell when someone joined him on the Beach, but typically, the being would simply pass on into the water and never return from that beyond place. That was just the way of things. He himself could never pass on, and they could never stay, or return.

So, when another ripple disturbed the field around Higgs, he wasn't overly worried, but made his way to where he could watch the person move on.

Only...

'Hey! End's that way, you know! The water?'

'Oh! Oh hello!' Heartman stood a little straighter, a small little wave as he walked closer to the man. 

'Oh no no, I'm not going that way. Thank you, though!' He smiled, curiously looking the man over. 

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. I'm aware this isn't my beach, but I don't think it's yours either.' He he hummed, tapping his fingers together, looking the man over.

Furrowing his brows slightly, Higgs looked over the man in front of him.  
Lot more talkative than the others, lot more aware of things, too and–

'Wait, this ain't your Beach?' He asked, a little taken aback as he looked around and then back to the man in front of him.

Made sense, now that he said that actually... the flavors were off... This Beach and the man weren't similar at all.

'...huh. Well, ain't that a new one. If this ain't your Beach, how'd you get here? You dead and just roaming about or what?'

'Right on the nose!' Heartman smiled and nodded, giving the man a thumbs up. 

'I'm dead for now. Not too much longer though, I'm afraid.' He smiled, checking his watch. 'Well, that's only regular time. I still have plenty of Beach time.' He looked back at the man.

How fascinating! When he'd met people on the Beach before, it was usually their own and they weren't able to move on, or they had and decided their Beach was the best after life.

'What about you? Come here often?' He wiggled his eyebrows playfully, curious as to what he could be doing here.

Higgs felt a bit of warmth flood his cheeks at the stupid flirtatious line - he really needed to get out more if that's all it took for him to be flustered. _Fuck._

'Think I been to this Beach a few times, but I wouldn't call that _often,_ ' he replied with a shrug, his brow still furrowed slightly. '...you a repatriate, then? What did you in?'

'Oh no. Nothing so intriguing.' Heartman shook his head. 'I've killed myself, but don't worry, I'll be alright. I have a backup plan.' He winked, turning away from the other man, determined that if he was a threat, he'd already have acted. 

'My body can be dead for a total of 3 to 5 minutes at a time. I've hooked myself up to some machines set to a timer of sorts.' He explained, turning to look at him again, enjoying the sight of pink cheeks and blue eyes.

He always did have a preference of blue eyes. And such a light color too. 

'You're a repatriate though? I didn't think you made it as far as the Beach. How fascinating...' he hummed, making a mental note to add to his actual notes.

'You've-' Higgs' eyes widened, thinking for a moment that he was in the presence of a true mad man. 'Why the fuck would you kill yourself to just bring yourself back? Are you fuckin crazy?' He asked, taking a step toward the man, though, instead of away.

Crazy attracted crazy, after all.

'Oh and uh.. yeah, I'm a repatriate. Die, come back, all so I can die again some other time in some other way,' He shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Heartman shot the man a look of sympathy. 'Life is a cycle after all.' He raised his hands up before letting them fall dramatically to his sides. 

'And I don't want to die. Not really. I just need to.' He bobbed his head to the side. 'Death is just a means to an end for me. Not The End just yet, I have far too much to do for that.'

So definitely at least a bit crazy, then.

'I'm a little scared to ask honestly but, what's the end that you're trying to reach that dying is somehow helping you find?'

If not The End.  
Game Over.

'Cus dying ain't no joke. It's a fuckin hassle and a half and I'm sure your body don't appreciate it all that much, being that you're not a repatriate. You die and when you go back, your body is as it is. I die and go back, my body's good as new, like being reborn.'

'I'm sure the long term isnt good for me. But I do have the benefit of being rather wealthy.' Heartman breathed a laugh, shaking his head at the mention. 

'I am rather proud to say I keep myself in good physical condition, careful to keep my heart healthy. The short time doesn't seem to leave any damage on my body short term. And I live a life comfortably indoors. So I don't much worry about injury.' He explained, hands up as of he were weighing something. 'Though this takes my research leaps and bounds. So, if I'm able to assist others while sacrificing only myself, I do believe it's a trade off I'm willing to make.' He stood just a little taller, having practiced those words to convince himself he wasn't afraid of actually dying.

Higgs was proud of only a few thing regarding himself, and one of said things was his sense of smell.  
He could smell chiralium in the air, could smell the presence of BTs. He could smell blood and all sorts of different, odd things.  
Like he could smell that this guy's words were utter bullshit.

'You tryin to convince me of that, or yourself, because I don't think it's workin too well on either of us there,' he cocked his head to the side a little, giving the man a careful once over. 'You seem like a relatively logical man, despite the insanity. You gotta know dying repetitively ain't good for a body. Ain't good for your heart or your brain, your other organs either. Don't much matter if you're a fuckin Adonis or Anubis- sooner or later, all this _research_ of yours is gonna bite you in the ass,' Higgs smirked a little. 'And if that's what you're into, I would happily offer my services instead of you doing this to yourself over an' over.'

His turn to flirt, and he thought it went out rather smoothly if he would say so himself.

'I'm the lead Beach scientist because I'm the only one willing to do this to myself.' Heartman explained, trying to distract himself from the warmth in his cheeks.

Christ was he lonely. 

'I'm afraid the damage is already done. Though, I could always use the... input of someone else who was able to visit the Beach.' He rubbed his thumb against his fingers in thought. An excuse to talk to another DOOMs sufferer. And a lovely one at that? How could he resist?

'Beach scientist - fuck, they're just making up professions as they go now,' Higgs chuckled, running a hand through his hair absently as he nodded. 'Yeah, alright then Mr. Beach Scientist. Whenever you need input on something, try and find me. I die often enough that I'm sure you'll run into me here, or some other Beach.'

He could always seek the man out, if he tried hard enough. Focus in on the certain way he smelled, the certain way his body interacted with the chiral matter field...

'You ought to be going soon, ain't that right? Can't stay here too long, or that water is gonna start lookin mighty tempting.'

Heartman let his smile fall giving a small pout. 'I conduct valuable research.' He crossed his arms, turning his attention to the water. 

'I never did learn how to swim. Water isn't too appealing to me.' He smirked, flashing his attention the the odd man now. 

'Heartman. I'm difficult to find, but that's what they call me. If you're familiar with a computer, I have a sub server that I'm able to be reached on. Private from the UCA. Many of us share our work there without being silenced by the government.' He explained, looking him over, eyes lingering. 

'Impress me.' He winked, giving a wave as he felt his body pulling him back.

_Impress me._

It was almost like a challenge.  
Find me in the outside world, if you can.

_I'm difficult to find.  
Impress me._

Higgs couldn't help the smirk that tugged at his lips as he let himself fall through to the Seam, where he could reach his body again and return to the world.

Waking up in the cave he'd taken refuge in, the man spluttered and spat up that awful, burning, black tar. It was the worst part about coming back, probably.  
With the issued challenge still ringing in his head, he gathered his things and set out towards the nearest distro center to find a private room and a computer he could use.  
Time to go fishing for a Beach Scientist, it seemed.

It took about a day to reach the nearest distro center on foot - Higgs wasn't much for the bikes or trucks, personally. He much preferred to stay in contact with his roots, doing his own bits of research on his travels, picking various fungi and lichen to study or eat experimentally.

Getting to the private room, Higgs set his stuff down and got right to work searching for this Heartman, and his secret sub server.  
It took a lot of digging, that was for sure. Hidden away and looking like nothing, Higgs finally stumbled onto it, grinning as he leaned over to take a drink from his canteen.

_'H e a r t m a n.'_

Heartman woke, quickly adding to his offical notes that nothing of interest happened. A routine visit to an empty beach. 

In his private notes, he made extensive descriptions of the man he'd met. His health was currently quite well, only inducing cardiac arrest when his research called for it. 

He'd just about given up on his hope for the man. No messages or interesting activity on the sub server. Not even any on his official one either.

He was becoming rather disappointed when he heard a ping. The sound of a private message coming through.

He smirked, reading it and replying quickly. 

'Slow work, but I'll forgive you this once. Consider me impressed. Now, all you have to do is find me again. Care to teach me how to swim?'

'Took a bit to trek to anywhere with a viable computer. Can't just bang some stones together in my cave and expect you to hear me, now, can I?'

Higgs grinned, moving to lay down on the bed in the private room, still looking at the UI screen, going through some of his emails before returning to the sub server.

'I ain't teachin you how to Beach swim, but I'll find you and teach you how to really swim. I'm sure we could find some swimmable water somewhere, so long as a homebody such as yourself doesn't mind being outdoors. 😜'

Out of sheer curiosity, Higgs searched through the sub server and its code, finding nothing overly interesting - though the research stored there did pique his curiosity a little.  
No significant clues hidden or tucked away, though. At least this Heartman played an interesting game, giving him only the barest of hint pieces to get him started.

Heartman responded several minutes later. 

'I'm a little disappointed. Thought you seemed to be a man who enjoyed long walks on the Beach. I was sad to find myself stood up.   
As to my going outside, I'm afraid the environment I live in is rather unforgiving for a man in my condition.' 

He hummed, wondering if the other man would continue to play his game or if he'd grow bored. It wasn't his fault he enjoyed playing hard to get. 

In times like these, he was quite a specimen. His health was still far too precious and his heart too precarious to be tugging on its strings too rough.

In the meantime, while Heartman took his sweet time replying, Higgs took his first hot shower in what felt like forever - but in actuality had only been... 27 days? Give or take?  
Private rooms were a costly thing and he didn't usually have enough spare change to get himself one. He would far rather use his hard earned credits for food, anyway.

Stepping free from the shower, he noticed the notification a grinned, reading Heartman's message.

'I know you're just _dying_ to see me again sugar, but there's no need to be so dramatic.'

_The environment I live in is rather unforgiving..._

The most unforgiving of all the environments, in Higgs' personal opinion, were the mountains. All porters, even the really good ones like himself, had a rough time of it getting through all that snow and the fuckin wind.

'I'm a hot springs in the icy mountains kind of guy, actually. Though I'm sure the trek up would send me to the Beach at least once, just for you.'

'You are a clever one. Lucky for you, a hot spring was an easy thing to replicate.' 

Heartman sent the message, wondering if he had been that big of a draw to lure the man to his little lair in the mountains. And what a disappointing find when he showed up and learned of his true nature. How he really lived. 

Then again, it had been a long time since he'd seen anyone in person so... perhaps the desperation of climbing through the mount would benefit him for a short while.

'Give me a few days. I'll keep you informed of my progress when I see you on the Beach,' Higgs leaned back against the bed, letting his eyes slip closed for a little while to get the last bit of decent rest he would get for the next few days of traveling.

Through fields and BTs, through MULEs and rapids, Higgs traveled to get to the base of the mountain. He found a few different variants of fungi on his trip, trying a few in his hiding place at the base of the mountain.

Waking up on the other side, Higgs sighed.  
'So one of those was poisonous, then...'

Heartman was sitting on the beach, just staring out into the water, letting it lap at his feet. He had has pants rolled up and shoes off to the side. 

He turned his head, rather surprised to see the other man here with him. 'Ah, hello again. Care to join me? I have a little longer.'

'Dangerous to be sitting so close, don't you think?' Higgs hummed, only mildly startled by the other man's voice.

He made his way over to Heartman, sitting beside him on the ground.  
'I'm at the base of the mountain. Little experiment of my own landed me here.'

'Ah, so pot kettle then.' Heartman smirked, resting his weight back on his hands behind him. 

'I think there's something there about Karma and eating your words.' He mocked, looking the other man over with a dark humor in his eyes, tapping the spot next to him. 

'There sure is a lot of place I could be hiding in the mountains, think you'll know where to find me?' He purred, kicking his toes in the water.

'I do enjoy the sight of water, even if it does scare me a bit.'

'I've a reliable way of finding people, if I've already met them before,' Higgs replies, leaving it to be as ominous as it sounded, a cheeky little grin on his face as he sprawled himself beside Heartman.

'...why do you really go through all this? Dying and being here on the Beach? Gotta be painful, always dying like that... least I know some of my deaths are quick and easy - a poisoning here, an allergic reaction there, a quick gunshot wound through a vital organ,' he closed his eyes, unable to help that smirk on his lips.

You name it, he's tried it, probably, and it's more than likely killed him.

'Can't say that I've ever drowned, though... that would be a new one for me.'

Heartman frowned, looking out into the water. 'Can't say that would be very fun. There's better ways to die.' He sighed, looking the man next to him over.

He was just as lonely and desperate as he was. 

'Well, do you have a name?' He asked curiously. 'Perhaps, not. I do think calling you by your name would be a proper reward for seeing you in person. What do you think?'

'Even if you hadn't have suggested that, I was planning to wait,' Higgs smirked, peeking one eye open to look at the other man. 'Guess we're on the same page there, at the very least,' he added absently.

The Beach wasn't so lonely anymore, knowing Heartman would be there somewhere...

'I suppose my reward will be you actually answering my questions instead of avoiding them? Or is that something you do in person, too?'

Heartman couldn't help his grin, looking down at his toes in the sand. 

'There's really only one way to find out, isn't there?' He hummed, turning to look at him one last time before he was gone from the beach, returned to his body. 

Perhaps he should clean up a bit. It was a while since he'd had a visitor.

Higgs smirked a bit, laying on the Beach for a little while longer before going into the Seam to return to his body.

Coughing up that burning tar again, Higgs stuffed his fungi specimen into his pockets, knowing he would have to narrow down which was the one to take him out at a later time.  
He had a mountain to scale and a man to find.

Sniffing out Heartman's particular scent in the storm of chiral matter in the snowy mountain tops was proving slightly more difficult than he originally imagined, but despite his troubles, he did eventually come across a beautiful building situated nicely in a safe area of the mountain.

Climbing the stairs, he opened the door - an actual fucking door! - and stepped into the entryway where a terminal popped up in wait.

"Heartman, you in?" Higgs called, looking around.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual content?! In the second chapter?
> 
> Look, Higgs and Heartman are both VERY sexually charged beings. Fite me.

"Well color me pink!" The voice announced through the speaker system. "Make your way over to the side door and I'll let you in." He hummed, opening the door when a hand was placed on the panel. 

Heartman stood by his desk near the wall of windows, cautiously watching the man come into the room. He felt his breath catch, almost surprised to see the man was real.

Higgs walked into the room beyond the side door, the statue of a BT startling him only slightly - the smell is what gave it away. He took his hood down, looking around a little before his gaze finally fell on Heartman himself.

A smile tugged at his lips as he came down the stairs to the lower level of Heartman's lab.

"So this is where you daydream about death, then?" He asked, spreading his arms and looking around. "Big fancy place - fanciest I've ever seen," he added in a hum, letting his hands fall to his sides as he met Heartman's gaze.

"I do think I did mention I was rather wealthy." He smirked, looking the man over curiously. 

He somehow appeared more real on the beach. Here, in this lighting and among his ever growing collection, he walked like a dream. 

Perhaps it was because he was the only physical person he'd seen in years or if it was because he'd been found. All the effort that went into that as well. 

Someone worth his interest.

"You might've mentioned," Higgs replied with something of a shrug as he tore his gaze from Heartman to look around him again, taking in the artwork, the sculptures, the movies and books lining the shelves.

"I'm not overly wealthy myself, but I make it by off what I make," he hummed before turning a smile to Heartman.

"I suppose... I owe you my name now, hm? And you owe me answers - starting with what got you started with going back and forth to the Beach."

"Would you like a shower first? Bathe and relax, change into something comfortable, then we can have this conversation." Heartman stepped closer to the other man. 

He was embarrassed when his heart picked up, the monitor at the window notifying him of an unexpected increased heart rate.

Higgs' gaze flicked to the monitor, a small smirk tugging the corner of his lips.

"I've barely just got here and you're already trying to get me out of my clothes, Heartman?" He purred, a brow raised. "Haven't even introduced myself yet! My, how forward~"

"Well, I'm sure you didn't come all this way just to..." Heartman let his eyes linger over the other man's body, wondering what could be hiding under those bulky porters clothing. 

"... sit here, filthy and tired and just hear me go on. No, look around you, you think I'm going to let a special guest sit uncomfortably?" He clicked his tongue, looking him over. 

The monitor announced his heart rate again, stating that an abnormal rhythm was detected.

The smirk on Higgs' lips only grew, noticing the wandering gaze before the monitor announced the irregularity in his rhythm.

"Haven't got any spare clothes, I'm afraid. You wouldn't happen to have anything that might fit me, would you?" He purred, turning slightly so he could shrug his pack off before unzipping his outer jumpsuit.

The sound of a zipper made Heartman's eyebrows shoot up in interest, not the only thing taking interest either. 

"I might have something for you. You're about the same size as me." He licked his lips, the monitor announcing it again.   
_'Heart rate continuing to accelerate. Please input activity monitoring.'_

With a frustrated huff, he turned to the computer. "Mute alerts. Emergency override only. Urgent messages only." He ordered the system, feeling his face heat up even worse. 

"As I was saying... shower? And I'll get some clothes set out for you?"

With an appreciative hum, Higgs unzipped his jumpsuit all the way, stepping out of it. Underneath he had black shorts and a black tank top.

"Getting a bit worked up, aren't you sugar?" He purred teasingly, folding up his jumpsuit and shoving it into his pack. "Shower sounds good. Lead the way?"

"It isnt often I get beautiful guests who've gone through all that trouble to find me." Heartman said simply, letting his eyes take their time looking the man over. 

He was fit in a way that had function. Not just rolling muscles without purpose, but there was muscle there, just hints of it under the skin. Match that with the long legs and oddly pale skin for someone outdoors so frequently and you were pretty close to a man of his dreams. Like one of the men in his movies. 

Who would blame him for getting a little worked up?

Feeling the other man's eyes over him, Higgs clicked his tongue. "Beautiful, hm?" He hummed, eyes flicking to the monitor that showed the man's erratic heart beat.  
"Best be careful with that precious heart of yours, sugar. Don't want it giving out on me just yet," he added teasingly as he glanced around.  
"Now... shower? Show me the way so I don't just mindlessly wander your place?"

Heartman was sure he wouldn't mind this man walking around his home in his underwear at all. The image was something of one of his more frequent fantasies. 

"Right. Shower. This way." He smiled anxiously leading the way through his home. He enjoyed the sound of the other man's bare feet on the wood floors. He himself usually wore shoes around the house. 

"You may mindlessly wander after you've finished if you'd like."

"You just like the idea of me mindlessly wandering without clothes, dripping wet," Higgs purred teasingly, following after the clock of those fancy ass shoes.

No one should be allowed to be so goddamned pretentious and genuinely beautiful at the same time - it defied all of reality.  
Yet here he was, in the flesh.  
Mr. Fucking Pretentious Sweetheart.

He could step on Higgs with those fancy shoes of his, _anytime._

...god it had been so long since he'd-

"Thanks for this, by the way," he added absently, still following behind Heartman as they made it up the landing of stairs to the living area off of his lab.

The idea of the other man being nude while wandering his house wasn't something he'd considered before. Clothes were always a little more erotic to him, the use of his imagination was something he prided himself over. 

Though, he was using that now, thinking of him sprawled on the couch in his lab while he worked wearing nothing but that smug look on his face. 

He wished he wasn't leading the way so he'd be able to adjust himself. He led the way to the bathroom, eyes glancing to the bedroom just across from it. 

"Here you are then. Shower is pretty standard, feel free to use any of the soaps and lotions. Towels are just there in the cabinet, and you may use one of the robes on the back of the door." He gestured around the room, smiling politely and keeping his distance. 

"Make yourself comfortable, I'll just be back through there in the lab."

Eyeing Heartman curiously, Higgs slipped out of his underclothes before sauntering to the shower, being sure not to look backwards at Heartman. He enjoyed the idea of being a tease, because he _knew_ he looked damn good. At least, he had certainly been fed that idea by the eyes that drank him in.

"I'll just make my way back to you when I'm done, then," he hummed, starting the water so he could shower.

Heartman swallowed, standing there and nodding a moment before turning and walking back to his living room/work space. He adjusted himself in his pants, trying not to rub at himself through the front of them. 

He sat in his chair, not able to keep his mind from wandering, doing his best to keep his hands above the desk. He caught a glance at the heartrate monitor, pulling an aspirin out of the desk drawer and giving it a chew. 

There was no way he was clocking out before the other man got back. What a way that would be to kill a mood. 

What had he gotten himself into? He knew he was a flirt, but now this man was here, flesh (a lot of it, ooh don't think about that) and blood, and he felt like the shy repressed dork he knew himself to be. 

Partially the reason his wife left him. Another part being that he was damn near insatiable once he was able to take the step.

The warm water washed over Higgs' sore body, over scars and bruises and slightly raw shoulders where his pack rubbed endlessly.

It felt so damn good to have the water dripping over all of those sore muscles, relaxing them as he thought about the man in the other room.  
Were things going to go further than all this? Maybe.  
He definitely wouldn't mind.

If it didn't, the teasing was just fine as well, really.

He scrubbed at his skin and his hair with a soap that smelled a little flowery, making sure to get all the dark stains off of him before rinsing off and getting out of the shower.

Mostly drying off, and then wrapping a towel around his waist, Higgs sauntered his way back towards the lab, peeking in before just plodding down the landing stairs.

"Thanks for the shower - always feels nice to wash with warm water instead of the freezing cold of streams and shit."

Heartman looked up, feeling like he was caught doing something he shouldn't have been. His mouth fell open at the man, who he'd thought had only been teasing him about walking around dripping wet and naked. 

Well... he was wrapped in a towel, so not completely naked. 

"I... um..." he breathed, shifting in his chair. Were his pants always that tight? And why did his underwear have to be so soft?

"Yes. Um, oh of course! Anytime!" He flashed a smile, feeling his cheeks go impossibly hotter. "I never mind sharing my showers!" He tried, feeling his brain start to grasp for straws, heart stuttering in his chest.

It was just a stupid muscle anyway. 

He wanted to touch, to feel the way the water rolled down the mans tight stomach, sliding beneath the towel. 

"Oh... no! I don't mean share my showers! I meant uhhh..." he groaned, feeling a little hopeless.

A smirk tugged at the corner of Higgs' lips as he leaned slightly against the couch, unsure if he should approach any closer. He might literally give the man a heart attack at this point if he did, and, well... that wouldn't be a kind thing to do.

"Oh, no? I'm a bit disappointed - sharing a shower sounded like a rather nice thing to try out," he hummed.

Sharing a shower in those awful private room showers was tight and awkward, and he'd been put in that position only once before and he did not have fond memories of the situation.

...it would have been nice to have a memory to replace that one with, when it came to showering.

"Perhaps I'll get you to change your mind someday," he added absently as he plopped himself down on the floor in front of the couch, one leg stretched away from him a bit while he had the other up and bent, resting his elbow on his knee.

Did this position give the opportunity for the other man to see beneath his towel? Sure it did.  
Did Higgs much care?  
Nope, sure didn't.

Heartman watched him plop down on the floor, his towel riding up just a bit, giving him just a glance at what was underneath. 

He let his eyes trail up that long leg that was stretched out, pulling his attention away, chewing his lip now. 

He really didn't mean to take his hand off the desk to rub at his thigh, his wrist touching where his body wanted his hand to be. He swallowed hard, feeling himself start to sweat, over heating at the feeling. 

"Oh!" He gasped quietly at the feeling, turning his attention away from the man to the computer.

Here he was, getting all worked up for a man that he didn't even know was interested in him like that. If he was really just flirty. 

He honestly didn't want to be left like this, but it was better than assuming and getting his ass kicked again. 

By a stranger that he had just let into his house because he had pretty blue eyes and a well groomed beard? There was something seriously wrong with him.

"I suppose I owe you the reward I promised," Higgs purred, smiling at that soft gasping sound, at the way the other man had to pull his attention away.

"My name - it's Higgs. Higgs Monaghan," he hummed. "I'm a porter with an experimental interest in fungi and lichen. I study them while I'm out in the field, as much as I can, anyway. Being a repatriate helps, because then I can eat all of the ones I find, to determine if they're safe for other people to eat or not," he added, leaning his head back to stare up at the high ceilings of the man's lab.

He certainly liked his open spaces and big as fuck windows...

"What else would someone want to know..." he murmured absently, seeming to ask the hanging whale skeleton. "Not sure - if you've got questions though, I'll answer whatever you want. Least I could do in exchange for the shower and-" he glanced towards Heartman, light blue eyes going dark as they caught a glimpse of the tightness in the man's suit pants, "-such a lovely view~"

Heartman could barely think to breathe, let alone ask questions that could be conversational right now. 

It had been so long since he'd had a physical person in front of him and it wasn't fair that this one had to be so attractive. 

Though it didn't help that he didn't have much preference more than blue eyed and sharp witted. 

"I... I don't think I'm feeling well..." he made the excuse, a terrible one based on the evidence when he stood. "I think I may need to have a bit of a lie down. Not used to all the excitement..." A poor choice of words, but also quite true. "I believe it may have upset my belly just a bit." 

It was his standard excuse to get away from a situation he didn't want to be in. Either his stomach or his heart. 

This wasn't so much a situation he didn't want to be in, it was one he wanted far too desperately. His mind had gone places his hands dare not go. Not on his own at least. 

He always was a bit of a coward when it came to his desires.

"You don't have to run away from this, sugar," Higgs breathed, relaxing his legs to try to tone down his sexual desires a bit, hoping maybe that would help even slightly?

"I can tone it back, but before I do I'd like to be blunt with you - you seem to be a man that occasionally appreciates bluntness," Higgs paused, his gaze going directly to that rather impressive impression in Heartman's trousers.

"I'd like to be sexual with you. Whether that be a one sided sexuality or... well- We could have a lie down together, or you could have a lie down and I could wait for you," he felt his cheeks warm as he shrugged, pushing himself to his feet as well. "Just so my intentions, or desires, are clear."

Heartman let out a whine, not quite sure what he wanted. Well, he at least knew what his body wanted. And it seemed to always want. A surprise, given his poor heart. 

But he knew just about nothing about this man, other than the fact that he'd been able to find him, gone through the effort of getting here, was rather impressive with a computer, could compare their findings on the Beach, and somehow was also attracted to him. 

What luck!

But Heartman knew he couldn't do the physical relationship thing. He craved intimacy as well. 

What was once though? 

"The floor isn't very comfortable... I suppose if you'd like to join me..." he offered, looking up at him, folding his hands in front of himself to cover his shame.

A slight smile tugged at Higgs' lips as he nodded, moving closer to Heartman and offering the man his hand that wasn't currently holding up his towel.

"If you need to relax your heart a bit, I accept pillow talk in science terms or otherwise," Higgs chuckled, his light blue eyes sparkling with his laughter. "But if we go to science terms, prepare to learn a helluva lot about mushrooms that you never thought you needed or wanted to know."

Heartman eagerly took the man's hand, desperate for any form of contact. 

He had been an affectionate man before his condition stranded him here. Before his wife had left, leaving him alone. 

Sure he'd been able to meet with a few others between her leaving and the worst of his heart issues, and his last hopeful sexual partner was... not interested. He had quickly discovered his intentions and lashed out. 

His loss. 

Now here he was, taking a far more interesting man to his bed. Even if it was only to lay down until he'd calmed down for now. 

He vaguely wondered if he'd be on the giving or receiving end of all this. He wouldn't really mind either if he was honest, as long as he was at those strong, sweet hands of his. 

"I do like to learn new things. And... when I'm able to perform full brain function, I've been told I do like to go on."

Giving Heartman's hand a gentle squeeze, Higgs led the way back to the bedroom that he recalled was across from the bathroom.

"Well, I'll tell you all about my fungi, then," he hummed. "Bore you to death, or damn close to it," he teased lightly, thinking about the few different kinds he had interacted with most recently. He hadn't determined what the poisonous one had been that had killed him down the mountain... he'd have to study the samples he had in his pouch, later though.

For now-

"What sort of research do you do about the Beach?" He asked, sitting at the edge of the bed, still holding his towel closed around his waist with his free hand, still holding Heartman's soft hand in his other hand.

Heartman wasn't really paying attention, absorbed in the tactile feeling of touching another living person. He pulled his hand away, taking his gloves off so he could feel more.

He was delighted to find the other man's hands were rough. Weathered from using them for actual laborious work. It was an odd contrast from the rough of his hands to the soft, delicate skin of his wrist. He wanted to run his cheek along it, bringing the hand up to his face. 

His body was relaxing, the ache between his legs not as distracting, but not gone. He was almost sure his heart wouldn't stop pounding any time soon. 

"I uh... I research why it's there. What its purpose is and what we might be able to utilize it for." He answered, the simple answer, his mind not firing on all cylinders just yet.

A warmth flooded Higgs' cheeks at the gentle, almost worshipping way Heartman touched his hand, touched his wrist, brushed his soft fingers along his skin.

Heartman's hands were one of a man that stayed indoors and did work that didn't leave too many callouses or rough patches. His skin was so smooth, so soft. No one's hands had ever felt so soft against Higgs' skin, no one ever touched him so gently as this, either.

"It's a sort of afterlife, isn't it? I've been to some Beaches that are like... awful clips of someone's past, though, too. Trauma..."

It was why he never voluntarily made the trip to his own Beach anymore.

Heartman nodded, running his fingers up the inside of his arm, reaching to feel his soft hair, surprised at how soft the hair on his face felt. 

"It is, but I think it can be more than that. People like us can go in, visit other Beaches. Some can move their physical body through, moving through physical space at the same time." He explained, pulling his hand back and resting it on his leg. 

"I think we might be able to move materials through the Beach. Making it quicker and easier to transport certain, inorganic objects."

Blinking slightly at the sudden retraction of contact, Higgs felt his head clear a little, not even having realized it had gone a bit foggy.

"It would make porters that can travel the Beach an even higher commodity. Less chance of losing shit to MULEs or BTs. Less chance of voidouts," he murmured, furrowing his brow slightly as he nodded. It would be good for people that lived like Heartman, but not great for the business of porters...

Heartman shook his head, feeling a little dejected that the other man had decided to talk shop instead of... _don't be rude._

"I'd actually like to make it automated. Reducing the need for porters. I'm sure there would be the few that enjoy it still, delivering materials and those who would wish to remain away from a possible network." He explained, sighing at the thought. 

"I think it could lead to more people living as I do. Having the objects they need readily available. Having a reliable network of information at their finger tips. Able to share and expand on any findings or advancements. Like how it was before."

"...if we went to a system like that, though... I'd never have excuses to come up this mountain to visit you again," Higgs murmured quietly, finding himself sounding rather sad about that, actually.

"Though, I suppose I could still find some sort of an excuse... I am here now, purely on a challenge to find you," he felt his lips curl into a smirk again as he leaned slightly against Heartman.

The warmth and solidness of his body was a beautiful thing, really.

Heartman felt his heart pick up again, breathing a laugh. "I'm sure I could think of something I need... or don't." He hummed, looking Higgs over again. 

How could he feel so comfortable around a stranger like this? He enjoyed the contact of his skin where it was against his own, really only against his forearm where his sleeves had been rolled up, but it was enough.

"...shall we lay down, then?" Higgs asked after a moment of just leaning against Heartman, his eyes closed as he listened to the other man breathe.

He wasn't _fond_ of other people, but he _craved_ connections, _craved_ contact and touch and it had been so long since he'd had any of that.  
Heartman wasn't like anyone else, though. He wasn't forceful and wanton - or, at least not so desperately wanton as to be forceful?  
He was all smooth edges and smooth skin, sharp color contrasts and beautifully intelligent eyes and mind.

He was trouble, is what he was.

Heartman smiled and nodded, toeing off his shoes and climbing up on the bed. He laid down, his lust softened by Higgs' affections and gentle touches. 

His breathing still came a bit heavy, his heart beating quick, but no longer pounding. It didn't hurt, for now. 

He laid his head down on the pillow, watching him with a soft, hopeful look in his eyes. 

He realized he had been quiet. Not using anxious words to fill the space. Though he was still plenty anxious, he held his tongue, hoping to hear more of anything in the other man's voice.

Feeling Heartman pull away, Higgs moved with him, scooting back onto the bed to lay beside him, curl up to face him, a soft smile on his own lips.

"So what's the catch with you?" Higgs asked, or, rather, blurted out. His cheeks flushed at his lack of filter, quickly recovering by adding, "I mean, you've got the brains, the amazing place, damn good looks... so what's the catch? No-one in this world can be as perfect as you are without some sort of a catch," he hummed, mainly only teasing.

Mainly.

But there was a nagging part of his mind that really wondered...

"You really want to know?" He asked, keeping his voice low, turning to look at him. 

"I like to lure pretty men into my home, seduce them, and then kill them and take their skull. You'd seen the specimens in the living space." He said simply with a smile. 

It was a complete lie, but the look on Higgs' face did bring him a laugh.

Higgs' eyes went wide, a hint of panic there in his gaze as he swallowed heavily.  
"You're... you're just joking, right?" He breathed, biting his lower lip.

Though, he supposed he wouldn't much mind being killed by this man? Could be nice...  
Would he come back if his skull was taken?  
...hmm.

"Just fucking with me? I mean... Not like I'm not unfamiliar with death, but..."

"I'm completely joking." Heartman grinned, breathing a laugh. Letting his hand rest on Higgs' wrist. 

"The skulls are replicas. Totally plastic and clay." He hummed, giving his wrist a squeeze, amused with the reaction. 

"The catch though?" He took a heavy breath in, holding it. It felt like a loaded question. "My ex-wife seemed to think I had a good many flaws. But I think the one that keeps most people away is my health." He pressed his lips tightly together, feeling miserable at the thought.

"Your health?" Higgs seemed to relax almost immediately when Heartman was touching him so gently again, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "Fuck- if that's your catch, I'll sign up right now, thanks," he grinned, looking up at Heartman through his dark lashes. "...probably still would've signed up even if your catch was to lure pretty men in to seduce and kill them, too. I'm a repatriate; you could feasibly kill me as much as you wanted until you got bored or ran out of ideas for killing me, whichever came first."

"Well, killing you is no interest to me." Heartman laughed, pulling Higgs' hand up to his cheek. 

"The ex-wife didn't scare you away?" He asked, a little nervous at the thought of bringing her up again.

"The 'ex' is there for a reason - I'm not steppin on anyone's toes by being in your bed. Even if I was, honestly, maybe she should keep better track of you," he huffed, feeling his cheeks warm at his rather forward answer.

"...but, uh, no. No, that didn't scare me away. Neither did threat of death. Neither do your health troubles or your creepy BT statues or skeletal creatures. You could use a few mummified fungi, though. I could hook you up."

Heartman laughed, cuddling a little closer. "I think I could find a spot if you're willing to bring me a gift." He hummed, relaxing against him. Enjoying the idea of having a gift that was personal to Higgs. 

"And really? None of that turns you away? Am I really that handsome to you?" He smirked, looking him over. "Or are you just as desperate for companionship as I am?"

"Honestly, both. But it's more than just looks and my desperate need for touch and companionship-" Higgs chewed the inside of his cheek, leaning their forehead together.

"You're so soft and gentle with me. No one's ever been that way," he smiled softly. "You're also super smart and I mean... I worked hard to get here."

No he didn't.  
Finding Heartman wasn't overly difficult, save for fighting the terrain and the weather. It was sheer dumb luck he picked the correct part of the mountain to explore first.

"You deserve to be treated well." Heartman hummed, breathing in the scent on his wrist. 

Oh he'd used his favorite lotion, the scent mixed with his skin was perfect. He smelt of fresh rain, moss, and a soft lily mixed with that strong intoxicating scent of a man.

"You look as if you deserve to be worshipped. You know, most scientists, myself included, have softer bodies. It's not often I get a visit of a man cut from stone." He teased, dragging his teeth along his inner wrist.

His breath hitched, a soft gasp at that electric feel of teeth against his skin, lighting up his nerves.

"Its entirely because mine is a field science, and the thing that makes me any sort of credits is hauling heavy shit all over the damn country," he breathed, his eyes going a bit dark as he looked at Heartman, watching and waiting.

He wouldn't mind being worshipped, for once, as opposed to being the one doing the worshipping, but-

"But even soft, perfect scientists such as yourself deserve worship, sugar."

"I think you may have bumped your head coming up the mountain. But I'll take the compliment." Heartman hummed, low and caught in his chest. 

"You're a man who walks around the country, hauling cargo and doing mushrooms." He teased, watching him out of the sides of his eyes as he nipped at the skin, feeling Higgs' heart beat as he pressed his tongue to his skin. 

"Come across some fun ones and maybe bring them here? We could enjoy them together. Or I could cook for you."

The press of Heartman'a tongue to his skin sent all of the blood flow in a south moving direction, though his cheeks warmed considerably.

"I- oh, well, actually... I might have some fun ones in my pack somewhere. Definitely edible ones, too, for cooking..." he breathed, chewing his lip again. "I've always got a variety of mushrooms in my -" Higgs paused, blinking a few times as he looked to Heartman.

"...are you asking me to dinner, Heartman?"

"Well, I do think inviting you to dinner would be a proper course of action, seeing as you're already half naked and in my bed." He scoffed, rolling his eyes playfully. "I may be a pervert, but I do want to at least _try_ to be a gentleman." He huffed, looking over at Higgs hopefully. 

"I can even bring up some of the good wine from the cellar." He suggested, his eyes lighting up. "You haven't had good wine until you've had it buried in the cold earth of the mountains." He turned excitedly to Higgs.

"Or we could even do wine in the hot spring. Or champagne could be quite nice."

"You had me at alcohol, and you made it even better with hot spring," he chuckled, his cheeks still warm as he leaned into Heartman a bit more.

"Is this a date?" He asked, feeling bold.

He'd _heard_ of dates. Never been on one himself, though.

...wouldn't mind changing that, though.

"Would you like it to be?" Heartman asked, sitting up and smiling at him. "I'm sure I have something you can wear. Go through and take your pick. I can go start our dinner while you get ready."

"Never been on a date," he admitted, sitting up as well, holding his towel to himself. "...might be fun, to do something I've never done before," he hummed, pushing himself to the end of the bed.

"I'll look through your clothes and meet you in the other room? For our... date!"

"I'll actually be just through on the other side, yes. Wear what you'd like." He hummed, getting up and putting his shoes back on. 

"And I do hope you'll enjoy yourself, I'll be waiting for those mushrooms." He smiled, making his way to the other room. He put his device on, going through his workspace. 

If he was drinking, it would probably be a good idea to wear it... and if he had any hopes of anything after the date as well. Either way, couldn't hurt to wear.

Higgs looked through the clothes available to him, mostly just suits - god, did this man wear anything else?  
It was more towards the back of things that he found more relaxed looking, casual clothing. Dark pants and a nice sweater.

Deciding it was better than trying to wiggle his way into a suit with no undergarments, Higgs slipped into the nice trousers and pulled the sweater over his head before making his way back to the workspace where he had left his pack.

Digging through the pouch on the side, he pulled out a few different kinds of edible mushrooms - Cantharellus, Morchella, and Grifola frondosa - and carried them with him to where he could smell Heartman cooking.

"Chanterelles, Morels, and Maitake. They're the more common edible mushrooms - don't mind the bites taken from them. They're to make sure that they're safe."

Heartman snorted, looking at the mushrooms, with little nibbles taken out of them. 

"What's the best way to cook them? Anything particular?" He asked, flipping the steaks he had in the pan. "They're not real meat, but they are quite good and a very close stand in."

"Smells better than anything I've eaten in a damn long time," he hummed, letting his eyes close as he breathed in the scent.  
"And, to be honest, I've no clue. If I'm lucky and get the chance to stop and _cook_ anything, it's in a tin can over a shitty fire that I made myself," he laughed, depositing his mushrooms on the cutting board near where Heartman was cooking.

"So...you could probably chop em up and put it with whatever you're cooking now?"

Heartman smiled, doing as he was told, cutting them up into strips and cooking them with the meat. He added another vegetable along side with the meat, turning the heat off and letting it settle while he set the table, pouring them both a glass of wine. 

"I haven't seen that sweater in years. It suits you." He hummed, sitting himself down, awkwardly adjusting the device he'd attached to himself.

Higgs tilted his head curiously, noticing the device as he was about to thank the other man for the compliment.

"What's that?" He asked curiously, taking a seat with Heartman, carefully reaching out towards the device on his chest. "That for your heart?" He added, something of a small smile tugging his lips.

Heartman nodded. "Yes, I figured that I'll be drinking tonight, and despite the years of heavy alchohol consumption, I'm still a bit of a light weight." He forced a smile, starting on his food. 

"That and the hot spring always makes me a little light headed. And perhaps I may be a little hopeful for after." He felt his cheeks heat up, looking down at his device, giving it a pat. "It's just a prototype of one I'm modifying, but I figured it may put you more at ease."

Looking it over curiously, Higgs sat back to start eating his own food, little borderline lewd sounds dripping from him as he ate.

So long since he had had anything but straight from the earth mushrooms or protein paste and meal bars. This was to die for. If nothing else came of this time with Heartman, he would still call this a win because of the food.

"This is absolutely amazing," he breathed, letting his eyes close as he took a sip of wine - he wasn't a big fan, but it would do and he certainly wasn't going to complain.

"Lots of firsts happening with you, Heartman," Higgs hummed. "Because I've never been to a hot spring, either. Concept sounds nice though, and I've read about the health benefits," he grinned. "Won't share a shower with me, but you'll share what amounts to a bath with me."

Heartman rolled his eyes. "Its just upstairs on the ledge above my lab's entrance. More or less the equivalent of a hot tub." He shrugged, knowing, and enjoying the fact that he lived in luxury. 

It didn't hurt that he worked for the government either. Certainly had its benefits. 

"While this may not be my first date ever, it is my first date with you. And I do believe that is just as special. So I'm sharing plenty of firsts with you."

"Exactly! You'll share a bath, but not a shower!" Higgs giggled, gently nudging Heartman's leg with his bare toes. "That's alright though - sharing a bath sounds a bit more intimate, I think..."

Without a doubt, he was looking forward to spending this time together with the other man.  
He carried on eating, barely stifling his continued borderline lewd, appreciative noises as he ate.

Heartman rather enjoyed the feeling of toes trailing up his leg. He blinked, a smirk finding it's way on his face at his realization. "You're not wearing any underwear, are you?" He purred, leaning forward on the table.

"Oh you naughty boy. You're going to go up there and sit naked in my spa?" He hummed, finding he might not quite be ready for that.

While he had initially wanted to jump the man as he came through the door, now he was considering spending more time together. Perhaps building a relationship.

Higgs' cheeks flushed a deep red as he dropped his fork.

"I don't have any clean!" He exclaimed, averting his gaze, even as a grin tugged at his lips. "That gonna be a problem for you, sugar? Me, sitting naked in your spa, not too far away from you?"

Would he be tempted?  
To touch, to feel, to do other things than relax and bathe?

"Depends on how you define a problem." Heartman smirked, turning his attention back to his food. He felt a little shy at the thought. 

Perhaps he could strip down too. It wasn't too forward to use his hands, was it? No. He shouldn't rush into this.

Slow. Make him stay. Taking what you wanted has gotten you nowhere before.

"It's only a problem if you let it be a problem," he hummed, finishing his food. "I wouldn't mind it if you want to touch, or if you want to be close," he added absently, taking a few more sips of his wine. "I liked the feeling of you touching me, anyway. Your hands are so soft and gentle... So sure."

"They don't feel so sure to me..." Heartman blushed, taking a sip of his own glass, feeling his hands shaking at the admission. 

"I like you, Higgs. I don't want to rush this... I haven't had a proper companion since... well it's been a while since I've had someone I enjoy being around. Someone I find stimulating." He looked up at him from across the table.

"I don't want to scare you off."

_A proper companion..._

"Your scare tactics haven't worked thus far, I don't see that trend changing," he smiled softly, reaching across the table to take one of Heartman's hands in his own, giving it a gentle squeeze.  
"But if that's what you want, then there's no rush. Though perhaps we should reschedule the hot bath until the next time... You may be able to keep yourself to yourself, but I'm a rather touch depraved freak and I would not be able to get enough of you, I can promise you that."

"That was frequently a complaint about me. Not quite sure anymore, due to my declining health, but I was... not an easy man to please. So I've been told." Heartman blushed brightly, feeling a little heart broken at the memory. 

"Perhaps a movie would be a better idea for tonight? We can stay dressed and I'm fine with a bit of touching or petting or whatever you'd like... I don't think I'd say no to your hands being on me."

A shiver made it's way through Higgs' body as he nodded. "Movie sounds good," he replied, his mind racing.

They could curl up together and enjoy the press of their bodies together, so tantalizingly close with nothing but the layer of pesky clothes in the way.

"Would you like me to clean up in here while you go set up for a movie, then?"

Heartman shook his head. "No, I wouldn't like that at all. Come pick a movie." He stood up, taking the dishes and putting them in the sink, taking their wine glasses with him into the other room. 

"Should I make some popcorn?" He offered, feeling a little excited at sharing one of his favorite hobbies with Higgs. "My wife hated my taste in movies." He laughed at the memory of the very few movie nights they had shared.

"I've never seen a movie? Or eaten popcorn so..." Higgs grinned sheepishly. "For most of my life I was stuck in my Daddy's bunker. I did the cooking, but we only ever had protein paste, rice and meal bars. If he was feeling particularly frugal, he sometimes got us some bread," Higgs sighed, shaking his head.

All he could think was, _'And this man thinks he has baggage.'_

"So, if you want popcorn and to share that with me, I'll happily accept the offer, but... I think I'd prefer you pick what we watch. Your favorite, perhaps? If you've a favorite?"

"How about one I haven't seen?" Heartman offered excitedly, bringing over a box of films he'd recently had delivered. "You look through and pick one, I'll get the popcorn." He smiled, setting down the glasses by the couch and making his way back to the kitchen. 

He came back after a few minutes, setting the bowl down on the table and going to set up the window screen for the movie. "Get comfortable! There's a blanket there, and you can take pillows from the other couch."

He handed Heartman the one that he'd picked out of the box, simply by reaching in and grabbing the brightest, most stand out cover.

Glancing towards the couch, Higgs collapsed into it, grinning up at the other man, pulling the blanket to him and leaning against a couple pillows.

This was just a couch, a sort of chair, and this was absolutely the most plush, comfortable thing he'd ever sat on in his life. ...besides the man's bed in the other room.

"Going to join me?"

Heartman sat set the opposite end of the couch, smiling over to Higgs. He told the computer to dim the lights and go into movie mode. 

He settled in, deciding if the other man wanted to close the space, he could. But he wasn't going to push anything, despite how bad be wanted him on his lap. Or the other way around. Didn't really matter much.

Frowning a bit, thankfully hidden in the darkness, Higgs pushed himself along the couch towards Heartman.  
He lay himself down, resting his head in Heartman's lap as the movie started, catching Higgs' attention.

Daddy used to watch things, or listen, but it was never anything like this. The colors of the movie were so vibrant and contrasting, it was surprisingly pleasing to the eye, if a bit distracting from the actual goings on of the movie.

Heartman gasped at the attention, already to comfortable. He rested his hand in Higgs hair, running his fingers through and scraping his nails against his scalp gently.

He watched Higgs for a short while before turning his attention to the movie.

The slight shocks of something bordering on pain made Higgs shiver, curling closer and tighter to Heartman's lap, not noticing that he was baring his neck so welcoming to the other man's attentions as he drew soft circles against Heartman's thigh.

It felt so nice to touch, to be touched, and in such a subtly intimate way...

Oh, yeah, and the movie was interesting too, he supposed.

The feeling of fingers tracing shapes on his thigh was enough to distract him from the movie. His breathing becoming just a bit heavier as he ran his fingers along Higgs' neck, along his throat before moving back up and through his hair. 

Wasn't exactly the petting he'd had in mind, but it was rather pleasant. Relaxing even.

Higgs' breath stuttered, another shiver going through his body as he nuzzled himself against Heartman's leg.  
The man was warm, but Higgs oddly felt a good deal bit warmer.

He tried rather hard to keep his focus on the colors of the movie, the movement of characters on the screen.

Heartman chewed his lip, watching Higgs with interest, running his fingers over his skin, movie completely forgotten. 

"You are so beautiful... do you know that?" He breathed, running his fingers across his fuzzy jaw. He loved a beard, unable to really grow one himself. He liked how they were soft, yet somehow scratchy.

Each gentle movement, every brush of the other man's fingers against his skin was like a shock to his system, but those words...  
His cheeks flushed a deep red as he turned to blink up at Heartman, searching his face. "You really think that, don't you?" He hummed quietly, a soft smile touching his lips. "Have you seen yourself, darlin? Quite beautiful yourself."

Heartman blushed brightly, shaking his head. "You don't have to say that, I already like you." He teased, looking down at his face, icy blue eyes warmed and melted to something a little darker.

"Just because you already like me doesn't mean the compliments and flirting have to stop," Higgs chuckled softly, putting his hands on Heartman's thigh to push himself up, leaning in to gently press his lips to the other man's jaw.

"It's not as though you've coerced me into feeling that you're beautiful, too. You just are. I've got working eyes."

His breath caught at the feeling of soft lips on his jaw, turning his head and giving the man better access to his neck. Submitting to him, letting him do whatever he pleased.

"You may want to get your eyes checked. I may be a handsome man, but nothing to compare to you."

Given better access to Heartman's neck, Higgs felt a warmth pool in his abdomen. He pressed soft kisses from the man's jaw down, kissing along his neck, nipping softly at the skin.

"At some point in life, you learn not to compare apples and oranges, but instead see apples as apples and oranges as oranges, appreciate each for their own separate kinds of beauty."

Heartman let out a little sound, something between enjoyment and desperation. He reached out, resting his hand on Higgs' thigh. 

"I'll allow it." He teased lightly, squeezing the mans leg as he bit down on his neck.

Movie rather forgotten by both parties at this point, Higgs pushed himself up, resituating himself to straddle Heartman's lap, swallowing heavily.

"I know you said you didn't want to rush things... so is this okay?" He asked quietly, his breath warm against Heartman's ear as he nuzzled it and along the man's jaw with his nose.

Heartman's eyes fluttered shut at the contact, his hands first going to Higgs' waist. The weight of him and the attention to his sensitive neck was enough to get him started to be worked up. 

He licked his lips, hands sliding from the man's hips to his thighs. He ran his hands back and forth, eyes half shut as he let the other's mouth wander on his skin.

"I'll take your quiet breaths and the way you're touching me as a yes?" Higgs hummed quietly, a breathy chuckle leaving him as he peppered kisses along Heartman's jaw and neck, chasing down to the slight opening of his shirt. He gently nipped at the man's collarbone, knowing his teeth were sharp and that he should be extra careful.

Having forgotten he'd been asked a question, Heartman just nodded, breathing a quiet little 'yes' as he squeezed Higgs' thighs, enjoying the feeling of teeth on his collar bone. 

He let out a soft sigh, relief he wasn't being bit further, but disappointment, wanting to be bit harder. Oh the things he could enjoy with those sharp teeth. 

The device on his chest beeped, signaling an increase in his heartrate. "Oh... is this in your way?"

"Not even a little," he hummed quietly, nosing against Heartman's jaw again as he more firmly situated himself into Heartman's lap.

He could feel the strain in the other man's pants and couldn't help the small little smirk and huff of a laugh against his jaw.  
"It'll keep you honest, if I'm going too far or pushing you too much," he added, nipping at Heartman'a earlobe, flicking his tongue against it between his teeth.

He could happily just keeping teasing the other man this way for the rest of the day, or longer, just so he could claim that things weren't rushed.

Heartman let out a struggled gasp, his eyes sliding shut, doing his best not to reach for the button of Higgs' pants. He felt a little upset that his arousal was so evident when the other man seemed barely interested. 

He told himself not to reach and feel. Don't be so direct. Keep him wanting. 

"I don't think you could push too much... and if you do, I'll die and be back." He breathed a laugh, a surprised gasps, hips bucking at another sharp bite.

The feel of that impressive bulge pressing up and against him, Higgs couldn't help the whimper of his own, feeling the wetness in the borrowed pants, thanks to the distinct lack of undergarments.

"That thing'll bring you back? Everytime, and you promise that?" Higgs breathed, rolling his hips against Heartman's, low and slow, as he breathed out a warm gasp against Heartman's neck.

Heartman's head fell back, taking a quick breath in at the feeling. His hands squeezed the thighs, surely leaving bruises under his trousers.

"Its designed to... as long as I go into cardiac arrest, this will... ah!" He gasped, the friction causing his hips to jerk again. "It will uh... ohh.... it will administer a shock and restart my heart. You'll have to stand clear when it does."

Higgs shuddered, the sharp jerk of hips against him, pressing them together man him painfully aware of two things: Heartman was rather well-endowed, and he was definitely making his own mess.

"So if I stop your heart, that'll start it up again for me," Higgs murmured, trailing kisses and nibbling along Heartman's neck as he rolled his hips again, rocking himself in the other man's lap.

He wanted to _feel_ the other man, wanted to be taken, but... this was fun too.

"Please don't take that as a challenge." Heartman whimpered, his hips rolling up again, hands going to Higgs' hips. His head fell forward onto the mans shoulder. 

"W-wait..." he breathed, already feeling terribly close to embarrassing himself. "Stop... why are you... you're not..." he frowned, feeling his stomach drop. "You're not enjoying yourself? You're not... aroused? I'd understand if it's not enough. I know I'm pretty sensitive but..."

Cheeks going bright red and warm, Higgs felt himself smirk slightly.  
"I'm plenty aroused, darlin. You're welcome to feel for yourself, if you'd like. Certainly won't stop you," he purred, leaning into the other man, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw.

Heartman didn't understand for a moment. He let his hand slide up his leg to the front of his pants, feeling nothing there. "Oh..." he tilted his head, not finding any arousal, confused at how flat he felt. 

"Oh!" He breathed, trailing his hand down, fingers feeling between his legs, tracing down the seam at the front of his pants. "Oh. I liked those pants..." he furrowed his brow, not sure if that would wash out. Or if he'd really even want it to. 

He pushed forward, with his thumb, feeling shape and heat. It was quickly becoming not enough.

The teasing trail of Heartman's warm fingers over him, and then that _beautiful_ push-

Higgs moaned softly, letting his head fall back, rolling his hips against the pressure of Heartman's thumb.

"...s'what you get... for not having any undergarments I could borrow," he hummed, a breathy laugh falling from parted lips. "But I'm a little sorry," he added, forcing himself to lift his head back so he could look at Heartman's face, his own heart pounding heavily in his chest. "At least, I'm sorry you thought I wasn't enjoying this."

Heartman blushed brighter, feeling his excitement return, happy to be sharing that feeling again. He didn't want to be using the man in his lap, glad to know they were both thoroughly enjoying themselves. 

"This can't be enough then..." he put on a soft pout, taking his knuckles and rolling them along the front of his pants. "You're at the wrong angle for this to feel as good as if feels for me." He breathed, pulling his hands away. 

"You could lay down on the couch..."

The pressure of those knuckles against him had Higgs' legs trembling, his eyes rolling back slightly as he sucked in a breath. He whined softly when the warmth and the pressure was removed, though he got the hint.

While not being pushy like others would be, there was no question that Heartman's suggestion had the benefit of being interpreted as more than a suggestion.

On shaking legs, Higgs lifted himself from the other man's lap, stepping back only to flop onto the couch, resting on his elbows so he could look at Heartman, his eyes dark and his cheeks and tips of his ears a nice bright red.

Heartman settled himself between the mans legs, huffing at the device that kept them from being able to press together.

Instead, he reached for the other man's face, softly pressing their lips together. "Is this ok?" He asked hopefully, rolling his hips, grinding against Higgs. 

He reached between them both, adjusting himself in his pants.

Higgs leaned gratefully into the hand caressing his face, quiet whimpering moans slipping from his throat. He felt himself smiling, though, when their lips met. "More than okay, darlin. More than okay," he breathed, reaching up with one hand - now balancing himself upright on just the one elbow - to bury his fingers in Heartman's hair, pulling him back to steal another kiss from the man's soft lips.

Heartman pressed their lips back together, deepening the kiss as he rolled his hips up against Higgs. He kept it slow and teasing at first before it started to become too much for him.

He pumped his hips against him erratically, gasping and moaning at the feeling. He buried his face in the man's neck, crying out as his hips jerked forward, his body going stiff, holding on tightly to the other man.

He felt his cheeks heat with shame, not wanting to move his face. He didn't want to see the disappointment in the other man's eyes. 

Couldn't live with the disgust when he realized he was still incredibly hard.

Riding out Heartman's orgasm with him, Higgs tightened his grip in the other man's hair, pressing a firm kiss to his temple.

"One off and you can still keeping kickin, hm? Sure do got some damn good stamina for a man with a fucked heart," Higgs purred, lessening his grip in Heartman's hair in favor of carding his fingers through it, trying to soothe away the shame he could smell on the other man.

Shame, and sex.

"Could keep foolin this way, or you could sit up nice and pretty and I'll get on my knees for you," he added, breath hot and wet against Heartman's ear before he nipped at the shell of it.

Heartman felt his cheeks heat up worse. He'd love to see that pretty mouth wrapped around him, those beautiful blue eyes looking up at him. 

He couldn't help the next flood of shame that filled him. "Or I could do that for you..." he offered, feeling a little shy and hopeful. Either way he wanted to bury his face between the man's thighs at some point tonight.

"O-Oh?" Higgs felt a shudder run through his body again, the slick of his arousal certainly soaking through the pants, at this point.

...hopefully that would come out and Heartman wouldn't be overly mad about that?

"I've... I've never had anyone offer to do that for me, before..." he murmured quietly, his turn to feel a flush of warm embarrassment.

"No?" Heartman smiled, pushing himself up and off the couch, kneeling on the floor. "What a treat for the both of us then!" He grinned, pulling his belt off, making it a little more comfortable for him to lean forward. 

And to stick his hand down his pants, if he was being honest.

Higgs followed him to sitting upright on the couch, almost feeling like he was in something of a trance.

"Do you... do you need me to move or-" he bit his lower lip, looking at Heartman there on the floor in front of him, not yet between his legs, but even just the sight of the other man down there, ready...

His toes curled slightly as he wriggled his hips, feeling the seam of the pants against the slick, sensitive core of his pleasure.

"You'll have to take your pants off for me." He looked up at Higgs, licking his lips. 

He was a man that enjoyed being on his his knees. Spending time between Higgs' thighs was going to be well worth the months, years he'd spent alone.

"Oh- duh," Higgs blushed and breathed a laugh, hoisting himself up on shaking legs, shimmying out of the pants and letting them pool at his ankles.

The cool air against his heated skin left goosebumps all over his arms, the smell of sex suddenly amplified and making him feel a little dizzy. He wobbled, dropping back onto the couch.

"Shit-" he breathed, biting his lower lip. "Ah... this might get your nice couch messy, don't you think?"

Already ruined his pants, best not to also ruin his couch...

Heartman shrugged looking up at him with wide eyes. "Wow..." he breathed, shaking his head. 

"Don't worry about the couch. Its leather. It can be wiped off." He shrugged, hands on Higgs' thighs, resting his head on his knee. He ran his lips up the other man's leg, pushing him apart with his fingers, peppering kisses to the warm wet skin there. 

He looked up, still not doing much but teasing just yet.

A soft, pleasured sob fell past Higgs' lips, his fingers digging into that fucking leather of the couch, letting himself lean back on the it, bringing one of his hands to his lips. He bit down on his fingers, looking down at the man between his legs, so happily teasing at him, kissing at him.

He used his fingers, pushing him apart, giving a few experimental laps, his eyes rolling back at the taste, leaning in now. He pressed his tongue flat dragging it up with a low moan, tapering and flicking that bundle of nerves with feather light licks followed by kisses, working his way down the curves and then repeating the process, kissing down the other side.

Higgs was a mewling mess as Heartman kissed, licked and touched him in that oh-so sensitive place between his legs.  
He knew he was easy—at least when he was touching himself—but Heartman was just so damn good with that mouth of his. He was already so close to the edge, that tingling pressure building in his abdomen.

Heartman made quick work of Higgs, attention focused on his clit, slipping his fingers into him. He couldn't help the sounds he made, whimpering and moaning against him, sliding his hand into his pants, pulling himself out to rub at himself. 

His face was a mess, glasses sitting askew, the idea of taking them off long gone. His lips were swollen from the work of it, Higgs' slick slipping down his chin, dragging his teeth across him now and then to hear the gasps and whimpers.

As Heartman worked at him, Higgs dug his fingers into the couch again, gasping and writhing, moaning and whimpering, still biting down on his fingers as he watched the other man.

He was a _damn_ mess, and they would both surely need a shower after this, if Higgs could even bring himself to stand...

Another graze of Heartman's teeth across the tight bundle of nerves and it was enough to send Higgs over the edge, the pleasure of his orgasm washing over him as his muscles tightened. He let out a broken sob of a moan, sounding rather like Heartman's name. His hips thrusted upwards a few times before settling, trembling, his body limp and pliable as he just breathed. He let his hand fall from his mouth, his other hand relaxing against the couch as well.

He was glad, then, that he wasn't the one wearing a heart monitor.

Heartman worked Higgs though his orgasm, still going even after. He loved overstimulation, always drew out the best sounds. 

He kept at his quick pace until the other man's thighs tried closing. He kept rubbing at himself, quick jerky pulls, his face still between Higgs' legs, licking him clean.

The slight sting and pull of overstimulation brought dark tears to Higgs' eyes as he sobbed out a moan, digging his fingers into the couch again as he tried to wriggle free from Heartman.

"H-Heartman please—" he sobbed quietly, gently pushing at the man's head with the hand that he had been biting. "T-Too much-!"

Heartman looked, wanting to see his face as he begged, breath catching at the sight of dark tears rolling down his cheeks. 

"Ah!" He gasped, his own climax surprising him, clinging to Higgs' calf as he made a mess at his feet. He took a few shaking breaths, his body still somehow wanting more. 

He wiped his hand on his pants, already spotted and put himself away.

"I'm sorry, was it too much? Please don't cry."

Higgs breathed a laugh, carding his fingers through Heartman's hair as he shook his head.  
"Don't you dare fuckin apologize," he breathed, his heart still racing as he tried to let himself calm down.

"It was just... a lot," he breathed, smiling at the other man. "Like I said– no one's ever done that for me before. Or even offered."

Heartman watched Higgs breathe, trying to calm down. His own heart rate shown erratic on the monitor behind him. 

He nuzzled his sticky face against Higgs' thigh, just happy to be close to him. "Then they're fools. You taste just as nature intended, but sweeter." He looked up, watching those dark tears roll down his face.

It didn't seem to be caused from makeup or anything, he'd have to look further into it. "Why do your tears look like that?"

Letting out a breath, Higgs sighed, reaching up to rub at his face, smearing the tears from his face.

"Mmm... I'm not sure, actually?" He hummed curiously, biting his own lip, tasting the fuckin awful tar there that he'd smeared by accident.

"Something to do with my connection to the Beach though, I'm sure. How many times I've died? ...but they've been like this as long as I can remember."

Heartman frowned and nodded. "Perhaps I could take a sample of them sometime? Have a look at them and see if I can find some answers." He offered resting his head on Higgs' leg, just watching him. 

"Might have something to do with your DOOMS... and it might give you an excuse to come around more."

Higgs felt a smirk tug at his lips as he nodded. "I'd say you could take a sample now but... it might get a bit contaminated by everything else going on," he teased lightly, continuing to play with Heartman's hair.

"But I would welcome the excuse to come visit more often."

Heartman breathed a laugh, looking down at himself. "I don't think my hands are very sterile at the moment to take a sample." He laughed, looking up at Higgs again. 

"Would you like to go to bed? We can wash up in the morning." He offered, moving his legs out from under him, sitting properly on the floor. "I will need to clean up in here, but it can wait."

"The longer you wait to clean, the harder it will be to take out," he murmured, readjusting the way he was sitting as well, feeling a little embarrassed at just how wet between his legs and the couch was.  
All from him.

"And sleeping a mess like this can get itchy when everything dries..." he added, having quite a bit of experience in all of this.

Heartman smirked, walking his fingers up Higgs' leg. "Then don't let it dry." He said simply, a low purr to his voice. "I did try to clean you up, and you pushed me away."

Higgs whimpered and damn near melted on the spot, his cheeks burning again as he looked at Heartman and that darkness in his eyes.

He definitely was insatiable.  
No complaints about that, though.

"Don't say that after you've asked me to join you in bed, darlin. I'll be hopin for more than sleep, then. I don't know if my oversensitive self could handle more of your mouth on me..."

"You want me to take you to bed? Get my mouth on you again?" Heartman grinned, proud that was the reaction to his work. 

"Glad you enjoyed yourself, my dear. I'm sure after a few minutes you could take more."

His thighs twitched together a little as he bit the corner of his lip. "You're damn proud of yourself, ain'cha?" He purred softly, a shiver running through him.

"But yes, I want you to take me to bed. Whether or not you use your mouth is completely up for debate."

"Is it? I vote yes, then." Heartman hummed, getting himself up off the floor, offering his hand out. 

"And not that I want to lend them to you, but I do have some underwear if you'd prefer. Don't much know why you'd need them, but the offer stands."

Higgs rolled his eyes. "Unless you are attempting to clothe me instead of deflower me, then I'll go with a solid _no_ on the offer of underwear. I'll just ruin that, too," he huffed, taking Heartman's hand, for once actually feeling his own body being warm.

"Are we saving the real fun for date number 2, or...?" Higgs added with a smirk.

"Well... if you want real fun, you may want to wait, yes. Not sure I have more than one left in me... or even if that would be a full one." Heartman breathed a laugh.

"I'd hate to embarrass myself twice in one night. And I'd feel even worse to leave you wanting." He bit his lip, swaying his hips playfully as he led the way back to the bedroom. 

"We could always have a go in the morning, if you're still interested that is. Or after I've done a little work?" He hummed, taking his device off and setting it to the side to get undressed. 

"I could let you sleep in. I always get a little worked up after I've finished some work, just before lunch." He felt his cheeks heat up a bit. "And after lunch, before dinner. Between dinner and an actual dessert. After too." He breathed a laugh, remembering how confused he was at the idea of his wife being upset that he wanted her so frequently. 

Sure it was time consuming, but once he'd had a few hours in bed, they were able to go about his day without incident.

"So just about anytime, is what I'm hearing," he hummed softly as he followed after Heartman, watching him sway those pretty hips as he went.

 _Tantalizing jerk_ , Higgs thought with a soft smirk on his lips. He still felt tingly, could still feel the ghost pressure of Heartman's tongue inside of him, his lips on him.

If this was how life with Heartman would be, Higgs might actually consider settling down and calling somewhere _home_ , again.  
Maybe.

"How's that gonna work, me being a porter and a field scientist? You gonna call me while I'm out there, all hot n bothered?" He purred, leaning against the doorway of the bedroom, his gaze still on Heartman.

Heartman stood still, thinking a moment, giving a shrug as he peeled his underwear off, using them to wipe his own mess away before pulling on another pair. 

"Don't see why not? It would be far better than doing it all on my own. Never really was a fan of masturbation, but it gets the job done." He smiled at Higgs, attaching his device to himself again. Probably for the best since his heart didn't show signs of slowing any time soon. 

"And yes... I'm just about ready to go at anytime. I'd understand if that's a problem for you. I do understand boundaries, and I won't be completely heartbroken if you say no. Just because I don't prefer it, I do still have hands." He chuckled, climbing into bed, waiting for Higgs to join him.

"Definitely not a problem for me," Higgs hummed, shedding the borrowed clothes before climbing into the bed beside Heartman, pressing a kiss to the man's jaw.

"So long as you don't _always_ push me to overstimulation," he huffed, nipping at the same spot he kissed. "I can _still_ feel you..." he breathed, pressing his body close to Heartman's—as close as his device would allow for, anyway.

He wasn't wrong, then. Coming into this, thinking Heartman was going to be trouble.  
He certainly was, precisely that.

...and Higgs loved every bit of it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for a wild ride, that's all I'm gonna say

Heartman tried to stop the smile, looking away shyly. "Sorry... I just got a little carried away." He whispered, looking over the naked man in his bed. 

"How did I get so lucky?" He breathed, taking off the bulk of his device, setting it on the table, double checking that the wires were still attached.

"It's fine- not like it was awful. Just unexpected and I couldn't handle it," Higgs chuckled. "If you want to do it again, just prepare yourself for more tears," he grinned, unable to keep himself from reaching out and touching Heartman's chest, now that the device was out of his way.

"If you call this lucky, then you have no idea of yourself. Ain't luck that found us on the same Beach. Ain't luck that helped me find your sub server. Sure ain't luck that found me here, and now in your bed. It's you."

Heartman shook his head. "I don't believe that. Something had to put us together. I don't believe in a god, but I do believe in luck." He hummed, reaching out to touch Higgs' cheek, tracing his fingers along his jaw. 

"I've been to the Beach before. Tons of times. And you were never there. Something put us both on the Beach at the same time for me to meet you. The rest of it... well, that was all your doing." He chuckled, shaking his head. 

"I just sat on my ass in my fancy lab hoping the hot and intriguing man from the Beach would be able to find me."

"Then I guess luck comes in the form of a piece of shit MULE that shot me in the fuckin head to steal my damn cargo," Higgs laughed, shaking his head as he leaned into Heartman's warm touch.

"Anyway, there's more than one Beach. Tons out there... If you can move between them like I do, then maybe it's a _little_ luck that we were both there... Maybe."

"Theres a Beach for every single person who's ever been alive. And you and I were on one at the same time. The odds of that are astronomical, to put it in layman's terms." Heartman teased, laying his head down on the pillow. 

"The only way I can understand it is luck. And so I think that's that." He hummed, pulling Higgs closer to him. He did love a good cuddle.

Smiling, Higgs let out a sighing breath as he leaned in close to Heartman, resting his head against the man's chest to hear his heart beating.

"You're going to spoil me, you know... Comfy bed, nice shower, actual food and as much physical intimacy as either of us can stand... How'm I gonna leave and voluntarily go back to living off the land?"

Heartman smirked, a quiet laugh, burying his fingers into the other man's short hair.

"Have I mentioned recently that I'm rather wealthy? You could always stay and live off me." He teased, not really wanting Higgs to leave just yet. "You could always stay until you're sick of me. Come back when you're in need of some attention. I don't think I'd turn down anything like that."

Higgs felt his muscles tighten, his toes curling as he felt Heartman's hand in his hair.

 _Pull it,_ he thought, his heart pounding.

"You may have mentioned that once or twice in passing," he hummed, instead of voicing his want. "...but I know you'll understand when I say that I can't do my work from here. Mushrooms don't grow wildly in your home. Lichen doesn't mutate on your walls."

"And I think I'd prefer them not to." Heartman laughed, the sound ending in a soft sigh. "But I understand. You can always come back here. I'd like you to come back." He whispered hopefully. 

"You can stay here during the colder months."

"All of the months are cold up on a fuckin snow capped mountain you dunce," Higgs laughed, burying his head against Heartman's shoulder. "Unless that's your not so subtle way of saying I can stay here whenever, when I'm not out there delivering shit to people and dying because of MULEs or poison mushrooms?"

"Yes. Please." Heartman laughed at the name calling, running his fingers through his hair. 

"And I know there are cold months everywhere. I haven't lived on a mountain top my whole life, thank you."

"Oh, really? Where'd you live before your mountain top palace of glass?" Higgs asked, still that hint of teasing in his voice while he tried to calm the panic in his brain.

Heartman was asking him to stay here. To live here, when he wasn't working.  
That's what he was asking, right? He wasn't just... imagining that.  
Right?

"Oh hush." Heartman huffed, smirking. "It does look rather evil, doesn't it? Like a villainous lair from a spy film or something." He laughed, thinking of the way his home looks, even with parts inside of the actual mountain. 

"Was not my intention to appear an evil scientist when making the schematics for the place, but it does have its charms."

"Ain't got nothing against getting down and dirty with a handsome evil scientist," Higgs purred, his lips curling in a smirk against Heartman's skin, as he pressed a soft kiss to the man's clavicle. He could feel the beat of his heart there, just beneath the thin layer of skin.

"You can be evil with me if you like."

Heartman frowned and felt his face twist in confusion. "Well, I do work for the government, so I may be a bad guy, depending who you ask..." he frowned, looking down at Higgs. 

"But I don't consider myself evil. Nor do I ever want to. I enjoy being soft. I take pride in it." He looked back up to the ceiling, realizing he didn't quite know what type of person Higgs was.

"Ah, yes... somehow it slips my mind that you work for the fuckin government," Higgs sighed, splaying his hand against Heartman's chest, against the patches that held the wires to his chest.

"...I don't think you could be the villain of any story, no matter if you tried to be or not."

Heartman laughed, that worry sliding away. "Is my government position an issue for you? I can't quit, I do have a rather high position. I'm a very important man." He snorted at the sound of that. 

"There are many people who think my intentions aren't in anyone's best interests. There is a possibility that my research could open our world to more BTs. But it could also make our lives easier. More fulfilling. And I think it's worth that risk." He let out a deep breath, dragging his nails along Higgs' scalp. The action was satisfying so he continued to repeat it.

The burn of Heartman's perfectly trimmed nails against his scalp made him shudder, a soft whimper falling past his lips in lieu of an immediate answer.

Closing his eyes, Higgs calmed his breathing. "Nothin wrong with chasin after somethin that's interesting to you. Nothin wrong with tryin to do good for people, even when they can't see that's what you're tryin to do," he sighed softly, his voice trembling as his breath was.

"That feel good?" Heartman asked, propping his head up, sliding his free arm under his head.

Higgs nodded, looking up to Heartman with slightly darkness in his eyes.  
"Yeah, it does."

Heartman hummed, repeating the action, smiling at a realization. "Do you like your hair pulled?" He asked, grabbing what he could and giving a gentle tug.

The sharp pain of the pull brought a needy whine tumbling past Higgs' lips as he wriggled slightly.  
"V-Very much, yes," he breathed, voice trembling.

Heartman let out an approving purr, a smug look on his face as he smoothed his hair down. 

"I'll remember that." He said simply, resting his hand at the back of Higgs' neck.

"Not sure if that's a promise or a threat, or something somewhere in between the two," Higgs hummed quietly, nuzzling into the hand on his head, letting his eyes close.

"Anything you like that I should know about?"

"Not sure?" Heartman laughed quietly, thinking about it. "I like to be underneath sometimes? Not sure if my heart will allow for it, but I do enjoy trying new things..." he hummed, wondering if Higgs would ever let him take him try some of his more questionable desires.

"Underneath...?" Higgs asked, sitting up on his elbows a little as he opened his eyes to look at Heartman curiously. "Whatcha mean by underneath?"

"I like when my partner is on top of me? Whatever we're doing?" He explained, shifting just a bit. "I like to look up and see their face. Sometimes it's nice not to be the one doing all the work." He shrugged, feeling his cheeks go pink. 

"I like the idea of you using me to make yourself feel good." He breathed, swallowing and licking his lips.

Higgs felt a heat drop in his body again, a warmth pooling between his legs. "So, what you're saying is that you'd like me to ride you," he breathed, chewing his lower lip.

"Because, I can very much arrange for that."

Heartman nodded, looking up at him hopefully. "Maybe... you could use your strand too?"

"Ooh~ Showing your naughty side, are you?" Higgs purred, pushing himself completely upright now, crossing his legs as he faced Heartman.

"I could do that for you. Strand you up and ride you until we're both satisfied with the outcome."

"Or at least until you were." Heartman breathed, rather enjoying the idea of being tied up, left to wait until Higgs could find a use for him again.

He would like that, left hard and wanting, waiting for Higgs to show him mercy.

He hummed softly, a curious brow lifting as he looked at Heartman. "You saying you'd want me to use you for myself and just leave you wanting once I've gotten what I need?" He asked, the idea certainly sounding intriguing enough.

It'd be interesting to see Heartman bared, save for those wires and the black and gold of his strand tied around him all pretty.

"If that was something that you wanted..." he nodded in agreement, shifting on the bed. 

"I... I think I might like that?"

"Well, we can certainly try it and see if you can _know_ you like it instead of just think you do," he hummed, flopping back down to lay beside Heartman again, smiling.

"Tell me more of your deep dark desires, darlin."

"Really?" Heartman asked, feeling himself shaking just a bit. "My wife never wanted.... she didn't..." he swallowed, rolling onto his side to watch Higgs. 

"You really want to know?" He asked, curious and confused, hopeful and more than a little turned on. 

"I thought we were going to bed."

"We're already in bed, where's the further bed to go to?" Higgs asked cheekily, grinning at Heartman as he watched the man carefully.

Whoever this man's ex-wife was... she was awful. Definitely didn't deserve someone like this man. This brilliant, insatiable, curious, handsome man.

"Wouldn't've asked if I didn't want to know, sugar. So spill the beans; what's dark and sexy that you've dreamt of or had daydreams of?"

Heartman could feel his hands shaking, unsure of where to start. What he could share without scaring the other man away. 

"I... I want someone to take what they want from me. To hurt me. To use me..." he breathed. "I want... I'm not sure what all I want... I want to be caught in the act, humiliated..." he whispered, ashamed of his desires. 

His constant need and high sensitivity always left him embarrassed at first. Something about the shame gave him a rush.

While Heartman talked, though, Higgs listened intently, his brow furrowed slightly in his concentration.

"Shame you aren't a fan of masturbation. I'd love to call on you while out in the field and have you choose between not answering me to continue your alone time in peace, or to answer me and also continue," he chuckled softly, heaving a sigh.

"...I don't think I could hurt you. Not awfully, but... the rest can be arranged, easily. Happily."

"I would answer... I wouldn't be alone." Heartman whispered quietly. "I'd always wanted to try phone sex... was always afraid it would frustrate me even more though..." he felt the heat return to his cheeks.

"Well, we'll just have to go ahead and add that to the list of things to look forward to, now, won't we?" He hummed, laying back and yawning wide, showing off those sharp canines of his as he did so before settling in. He curled his toes and his bones cracked, a satisfying sound.

"What about you? What do you want from me?" Heartman asked, a quiet excitement to his voice.

It was Higgs' turn to light up like a christmas tree, all bright red as he turned to look at Heartman.  
"Anything you can give me, darlin. I'll take it all, won't even complain. Might even say please and thank you," he hummed, feeling his heart beating against his ribs, trying to escape.

Heartman shook his head, putting on a serious face. "Oh no, you have to be specific. I was, so now you have to be too."

Higgs groaned, covering his face as he pressed himself into the bed, wishing he could just melt into it and disappear.

"...more of that overstimulation, but if you want to do that you'll definitely have to make sure I can't move," he breathed behind the hands covering his face. "Fuck me so I have to take time off from porting because I can't walk without feeling you and wanting more. Put your hands around my neck and squeeze until there's darkness at the edges of my vision. Pull my hair while I suck you off and you call me names-" Higgs waved a hand dismissively, his body burning up.

"Specific enough?"

"What kind of names?" Heartman asked, his voice low and heavy with the want of it, pulling Higgs close, pressing against him. 

"Sweet names? Pretty boy or baby? Or insults? Like slut or cock whore?" He asked, breathing in his ear.

His breath caught in his throat, a whimper leaving him as he closed his eyes and swallowed heavily. "A healthy mixture, preferably," he breathed, biting his lip again, drawing blood this time.

"Oh?" He asked, rolling his hips against Higgs. "Would you like to be my pretty little cock slut? My nasty little boy?" He purred in his ear, licking the shell of it. 

"Is that what you like?" He breathed, pressing his hand to the other man's stomach.

Eagerly, Higgs pressed himself against Heartman, a soft needy moan breaking from him as he trembled.  
"Very much," he whimpered, reaching up with one hand to cup Heartman's cheek, the other hand snaking down to rest on Heartman's hip.  
"Do we have to wait until morning...?"

"You're not going to be mad if I finish too quick, will you?" Heartman blushed, rubbing himself against him again. 

"I... if you want to... there's condoms in the drawer over there. On your side." He breathed, feeling his heart starting to pick up again.

"Why the fuck would I be mad?" He huffed, rolling away from Heartman, only to open the drawer, grab a condom out and roll back, grinning.

"You want, I'll put it on for you," he purred, knowing he was rather good with his mouth, if only Heartman would actually let him show off a bit.

"Well... I don't want to disappoint you... though I don't think it'll be a one off..." Heartman blushed, a little embarrassed by that as well. "And I promise I wouldn't leave you behind. I'd make sure you'd get off." 

He rolled onto his back, looking over at Higgs. "You can put it on if you want."

With a devilish grin, Higgs ripped the thing open with his teeth before moving himself between the other man's legs. He was so damn eager to please, but also, he just really wanted to feel Heartman—

"Well fuck-" he breathed, pulling Heartman's undergarments down to reveal his swollen cock, already so damn big and ready for him. His cheeks flushed a deep red, half wondering if he would hurt going in.

Pushing past his thoughts, Higgs put the condom to his lips and lowered his mouth to Heartman's cockhead, glancing up at the man a moment before dipping his head down to slide the condom on – with his tongue.

Heartman reached for Higgs' head, grabbing his hair, forcing his head to stay up, wanting to watch. "F-fuck!!" He gasped, legs shaking. 

"Oh Higgs, holy shit!" His hips jerked up, doing his best not to fuck into his throat.

Those pretty ice blue eyes peered up at Heartman, going damn near instantly dark as their gazes met. Keeping his eyes on Heartman's face, Higgs lowered his head again, taking the now covered cockhead between his lips again, flicking his tongue at him experimentally.

He could push Heartman to the edge before riding him out, probably.

"Nooo no no..." Heartman gasped, pulling at his hair. "Not going to last on this..."

With a smirk, Higgs popped his mouth off of Heartman, smirking lightly up at the other man.

"Right right- shouldn't push you too far just yet," he hummed quietly, climbing up the man's legs. He wrapped a hand around Heartman, holding him steady so he could—

"Oooh~" Higgs mewled softly as he lowered himself down, taking in the first little bit of Heartman's sex. "Ffff-"

Heartman gasped, his head falling back, hands reaching for Higgs' hips. "Oh! Shouldn't you... ah... shouldn't you stretch first?" He breathed, looking up at him. 

Oh it already felt so good. He didn't want to stop him, wanted to flip them and push into him. He couldn't do that to him. Couldn't hurt Higgs like that.

A soft whimper fell from him as he shook his head, cheeks flushed. "Feels better... this way," he responded, biting his lower lip as he held himself there, only the tip pressed inside of him, his muscles clenching desperately around the intrusion and wanting more, all of him.

"Ffffuck... you're a lot bigger than I thought," he murmured, grinning coyly.

Heartman bit his lip, looking up at Higgs, taking heavy, shallow breaths. "Want me to do it for you? Lay down." He breathed, trying to be nice, despite wanting to push him down, fuck into him. 

"You're sure I'm not going to hurt you? I... it is pretty big... sorry." He felt the blush heat up even the back of his neck.

"Even if you do hurt me, that's fine," he purred. "Pain is pleasure and pleasure is pleasure," he added, giving his hips a little wiggle. "I welcome the pain, you don't have to hold back with me, I promise you that. If there's something you want, take it."

Heartman hesitated a moment before pushing Higgs back, grabbing his shoulders and pinning him to the bed. 

He grabbed himself, pushing into the other man, slow and at a steady pace, careful not to be too quick, but still taking what he wanted. 

Once he was all the way in, he stopped, catching his breath, looking down at Higgs. "Are.... is this...?" He breathed, body shaking at the tight pressure of being inside the other man.

"Oh! Fuck!" He gasped, digging his nails into his own palms as Heartman pushed into him, filling him up more than he'd ever been filled before.

He threw his head back slightly, his eyes closed.

"Move, _please_ ," he begged softly, blinking open his eyes to plead with Heartman. " _Fuck me_ , Heartman-" he added quietly, wanting to tell him to break him, to make it hurt, to make him beg for more or less or anything at all.

His brain was already struggling to function except to breathe.

Heartman was still, just watching in awe of the other man. He was incredibly sexy like this, and incredibly bossy. 

He started to move, pulling out almost completely before pushing back in, agonizingly slow. He repeated the process, snapping his hips in this time, the force of it moving the both of them up on the bed. 

He breathed a shaky laugh, sitting back on his knees, pushing Higgs' legs to his chest, getting a better angle for them both.

Higgs moaned and cried out loud, his body trembling as Heartman fucked into him. His nails dug deeper into his palms as he threw his head against the pillow, his back arching.

"O-Oh~! Oh, Heartman, _y-yes~_!" Higgs gasped, wriggling slightly to take as much of the other man in as possible.

The sounds they were making together were lewd and were filling the space of Heartman's room.

Heartman lost himself in it, holding on to Higgs' ankles for dear life. He went deep and rough, the sounds Higgs made only encouraging him further. 

"That's it! Oh such a pretty thing you are... you take me so well." He praised, pulling Higgs' leg to the side, maneuvering him for a better angle. 

He pressed his hand down on the other man's pubic bone, giving gentle pressure as he used his thumb, trying to bring him to the edge. He himself was terribly close.

The added pressure and the pad of Heartman's thumb rubbing over his clit made Higgs squirm and gasp, his muscles tightening, his toes curling.

"Oh! H-Heartman, oh, fffff~" Higgs bucked his hips upwards as he was drawn out over that edge, his climax hitting him like one of those MULE stunner spears. His body trembled and spasmed with the overwhelming feeling of it, his nail drawing blood from his palms where they had dug under the skin now.

He heard himself whimper Heartman's name quite a few more times, breathless and trembling, like praise or worship.

Which, Heartman deserved both, in Higgs' opinion.

Heartman fucked him though it at a rough pace, following him into it. He gripped his hips tightly, head falling back as he cried out nonsense, most of it the sound of his name or other such praise. 

Once that first wave washed over him, he moved to lay over Higgs, cupping his cheeks, pressing soft kisses to his lips. The sound of his heart monitor beeping and giving warning in the other room. 

"You alright?" He breathed, his own body still shaking from the force of it. It still wasn't enough, his greedy body wanting more of what Higgs would give him. 

He did his best not to move, not to draw attention to the fact that he was still hard. Could still go for one more. If Higgs was done, so was he. He wouldn't try to convince him to keep going.

Higgs breathed a laugh, nuzzling his nose against Heartman's jaw. "You fuck me like that and then ask if I'm alright?" He teased lightly, finally allowing himself to reach up and run his fingers through Heartman's hair, scraping his nails lightly against the other man's scalp, wondering if it would feel as good for him as it did for Higgs.

"You sure you're single? Cus, I'd rather like to change that. Mind like yours, mouth like yours and you fuck like that? I'm digging my claws into you and damn well never lettin up."

Heartman felt his eyes roll back at the feeling of nails against his scalp, a satisfied sigh falling from him. "Guess our date went well then. I'd be happy to call you my boyfriend. Partner. Lover. Whatever you'd prefer as long as I'm yours." He breathed, pressing their lips together again.

"Mind if I keep going?" He asked hopefully, rolling his hips as to persuade him. "I'll go slow..."

A soft whimper fell from him again as he nodded, wrapping his arms around Heartman's shoulders, digging his claws into his skin.

"Keep going, yes," he breathed, biting his lip. "Boyfriend, lover– whatever you like, I'm not picky. But I do love a good petname."

Heartman nuzzled against him, slowly rolling his hips into him, pushing kisses to his neck and jaw. Holding onto him tightly. 

"Pet names?" He breathed into his ear, a smile pulling at his lips. "Like baby? My dear? Puppy? Oh, I may be particularly fond of sweetheart. Do you have a favorite?"

Higgs blushed, chewing his lower lip as he rolled his hips to meet up with Heartman's, soft and quiet moans pulling from him. The sting of overstimulation was good, this time around.

"You'll laugh," he breathed, shaking his head. "So any of those are plenty fine."

"Tell me. You're so good to me, giving me everything I want, let's hear it." Heartman chuckled, pushing a soft kiss to his cheek.

"You listened to all the embarrassing things I had to say and were so lovely about it. You're even giving me this. Anything you ask from me is yours." He hummed, turning his mouth back to kiss at Higgs' neck.

With a needy whimper, Higgs wriggled his hips beneath Heartman, nipping at the man's jaw, feeling a heat burn in his cheeks.

"...princess," he breathed, biting at his own lip.

Heartman gasped at the name, dragging his teeth along Higgs' pulse point. 

"Is that it? Princess it is then." He smiled, a warm chuckle, snapping his hips against Higgs. "You like that, princess? Huh?" He rumbled, rolling his lips slow and deep.

Higgs gasped and dug his fingers into Heartman's shoulder, another shiver traveling along his spine. His body ached and felt like just one ball of overexcited nerves - not entirely painful, but not entirely pleasant.

"Ooohhhh~ Heartman... yesss," he breathed, his toes curling.

He could die just now and be perfectly content with that. Heartman buried deep inside of him, filling him.  
Such a lithe man with such a big-

"Oh! Oh, Heartman! Right there!" He whined, as the other man pressed particularly deeply, put a beautiful pressure on his pelvis.

Heartman dug his hand in Higgs' hair, giving it a tug, trying to hit the spot he seemed to like. 

He bumped against it, still moving agonizingly slow for the both of them, working himself lazily over the edge, clinging tightly as he finally finished.

"Oh... oh! Higgs!" He gasped, whining as his hips shook, a little painful at this point. His body went stiff a moment, before he relaxed against the other man, nuzzling against his jaw. "Oh, oh thank you, what a pretty princess you were... such a good boy."

A warmth blossomed inside of him as they both tumbled over the edge, panting and trembling beneath Heartman with his eyes closed.  
"You're amazing..." he breathed quietly, huffing a soft laugh as he nosed against the other man's cheek.

If he weren't already a being driven by sexual desire, he was sure this experience would've made him one. Instead, he felt he was specifically driven, now, by Heartman.

" _You're_ amazing..." Heartman laughed, kissing his throat as he carefully pulled out. 

He huffed, forcing himself to sit back, being careful not to make a mess as he pulled the condom off, tying it and dropping it into the bin next to the bed. 

He plopped down on his back, wiping the sweat off around his patch sites before rolling and holding Higgs close. "Are you alright? Was that good?"

So he was a praise seeking lover, hm? Good thing he was with Higgs, then, a man that was made to praise.

"I can't really feel my body so I'll have to get back to you on that one, but yes, _fuck yes_ it was good," Higgs breathed, a soft smile on his lips as he curled against his lover. "You certainly know how to handle all that big equipment you have," he teased lightly, leaning in to kiss the man's jaw.

Heartman felt his face heat up, eyes going wide and breathing a shocked laugh. "Don't call it that." He grinned, burying his face against the other man's chest. 

"You're really not... it's not all..." he couldn't really think of a way to be modest. Then again he just fucked this man, so perhaps modesty wasn't the best option.

"Spit it out, sugar. Though preferably not literally - wet enough without you spittin all over me," Higgs smirked lightly, reaching up to fuss absently with Heartman's hair.

"Oh jeeze..." he giggled, enjoying the feeling of fingers in his hair. 

He always felt a little shy in the afterglow. He knew he'd probably said some embarrassing things in the heat of the moment, he always finished way too quick the first time, generally lost himself in the feeling and enjoyment of his partner. 

He was always left feeling a little raw and sheepish after. Worried he'd done something wrong. More than happy to just cuddle, not one to pass out right after a good fuck. He liked to bask in the feeling and loved the praise when he recieved it. 

"It was very... very good. And that is my scientific opinion."

"Some good science right there," Higgs hummed softly, bumping their noses together as he nodded. "I'm lucky to be with such a brilliant and well articulated scientist," he teased lightly, pressing his lips to the other man's nose.

It was nice to just lay here and bask in the warmth they had created with their combined bodies. Higgs always found he had a hard time keeping warm, no matter how many fucking layers he wore. But, anyone could get warm when stripped bare and laying beside a warm body such as Heartman.

...he could actually love it here, with this man. Could actually love him, maybe?

His heart stuttered in his chest, a sense of fight or flight suddenly settling into him at the thought.  
He couldn't fall in love. Couldn't. Wouldn't.

Heartman laughed shaking his head and scrunching his nose at the contact. "I assure you, I'm a little more eloquent in written word. And I'm more than a little comfortable at the moment." He hummed, finding Higgs' hand and lacing their fingers together. 

"Get some sleep. I'll make you breakfast in the morning. I'll even let you eat in bed... unless you sleep in. I bet you're gorgeous when you sleep."

Higgs felt his cheeks burn a bright red as it was his turn to huff a laugh and shake his head. "You'll be a biased judge, but I'll still let you be the judge of that," he muttered, the panic still making adrenaline flood his system.

"Does uhm... does your heart thing make it difficult for you to sleep?" He asked quietly, curious.

He hated sleep, personally. All those awful nightmares he couldn't seem to get away from... That woman in the red dress, the end of the world and everything in it...

Heartman shook his head. "Not particularly. It can make it a pain in the ass if I roll and it pulls the adhesive." He shrugged. "I'm sure over time, with my condition getting worse, it'll be harder for me to sleep." He sighed, knowing that there was going to be a point where he couldn't control his deaths. 

For now, he was still able to induce cardiac arrest, but his heart was beginning to deform.

"...how's it getting worse?" He asked quietly, almost afraid to know, but he had to. Damn his curious mind, but he had to know what Heartman meant. "Is there any way to keep it from getting worse or... or anything that'll help?"

"A heart replacement would help. But it's too difficult to get anywhere and wouldn't want to quit my search." Heartman frowned, letting his secret slip. 

"My heart is beginning to deform. The muscle is growing weak and misshapen." He explained, looking down at his own chest. "There's going to be a point where I will die frequently, several times a day."

Higgs furrowed his brow. "...so you're doing this to yourself, knowing the risks? Knowing that it's doing awful things to your fuckin heart?" He asked, a sort of anger bubbling in his voice, in his belly.

"Is searching the fuckin Beach really that important? Can't you just ask a repatriate or some shit to check out the Beach for you? Make something so you can see the Beach through them without having to fuck yourself up so bad...?"

"No. It has to be me..." Heartman frowned, feeling like he was being scolded. 

"I wasn't there when she..." he stopped, sitting himself up, wanting to get away from the other man's angry look.

Higgs' jaw tightened as he looked up at Heartman, recognizing the fight or flight in the other man as it was in him as well.

"...so you're gonna wear yourself down to nothing for some fuckin government that doesn't even really exist for shit anymore? The fuck good is a government when there ain't people to govern? Not like there's people out there to 'arrest' MULEs for doin what they do. Or arrest people like my Daddy," he shook his head, pushing himself up and out of the bed to pace a bit, get some of that anxious, angry energy out of his system, ruining that blissful high of their sexual escapades.

"Why? Why would you keep doin it?"

"The government?" Heartman asked, feeling confused. "Who gives a fuck about the government?" He blinked, tilting his head, watching the other man pace like a caged animal. 

"I only do my research as a way to maintain my sanity. To justify my going back. I do it all for her... for my daughter." He felt his breath catch in his chest. 

"I've heard about children BTs... they tend to be too afraid to go into the water, too afraid to cross over on their own." He explained, feeling hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

The man paused in his pacing, throwing a look towards Heartman, his breath catching when he saw the man's tears.

"You... have a daughter? That died?" He asked quietly, feeling his own words pull at his damn heart strings. Or maybe it was that heartbreaking look in Heartman's eyes that done him in, dousing the fire of the anger that had so quickly built inside him.

"...you go in to try finding her, or what? Like you said, there's hundreds upon hundreds of Beaches... finding a specific Beach is... it's damn near impossible."

"Some days it feels impossible. I feel like I'm wasting my time. But I can't go on, knowing I stood by and did nothing while she turned into one of those horrid, wretched, suffering things..." Heartman shook his head. 

"My wife had complications during birth. The baby was born, and she lived for a short while, but she suffered. We had talked about it... but I couldn't..." he hiccuped, the sob ripping it out of him. 

"She waited until I went on an expedition. Lured away by something I don't even remember when my family needed me the most." He huffed, angry at himself. "She gave my baby girl what she needed. She ended her pain." He explained with a sniff. 

"I...when I found out about baby BTs, I couldn't leave her. What if shes just laying on a beach? Unable to make her way into the water. Scared and alone."

Higgs hesitated only a moment before crossing the room to pull Heartman into his arms, holding him so tight, so close, as he held the man's head. 

"Two bodies searching makes odds better," he breathed, furrowing his brow slightly and he carded his fingers through the other man's hair. "You can't go on like this forever, Heartman... you can't kill yourself for your baby - how do you think she would feel knowing you've done this to yourself?" He asked quietly, knowing that if it were him, he would want Heartman to just go on living.

Then again, he was a grown being and had a bit of a bias to want Heartman to stay alive and the healthy that he was currently.

"Losing someone you love is hard, finding out they could be suffering on the Beach is harder... but I don't think she would be suffering anymore. How long ago was all of that?"

Heartman felt himself melt against Higgs, his body relaxing when he hadn't realize it was pulled tight. 

"I... I HAVE to find her... I'm her father I should have been there. I should have been part of the process. I should have been the one to hold her when..." he felt his body shake, realizing now that he was sobbing. 

What a great first date, right?

"I didn't even get to be there when they cremated her... I didn't get to say goodbye. I came home and she was gone..." he clutched tightly to the other man, holding on to his arms. 

"It was... it was 2 years ago. Just about." He breathed, holding on to something he knew for sure. Facts.

Nodding and gently rubbing Heartman's head, his back, Higgs sighed. "Young ones like her... if their ties are destroyed - that umbilical cord to this world - usually they pass on after a while..." he murmured quietly.

He knew a bit about death, not that that was exactly something to brag about.

"If she's tied anywhere, it would be to your wife. So you'd want to find your wife's Beach, and any Beach that would be closely tied to hers. It ain't their closeness, mind you, it's just that, your wife would be the one that has the umbilical cord, since she's the one that birthed the little one, you get me?" He hoped what he was saying wasn't making it worse.

Heartman held on just a little tighter, sick at the thought that he might have missed his poor little girl. 

"She's the one that was there. They have a literal connection..." he pulled his mouth tight. "You... I don't get to pick specific beaches. Mine is connected to others, possibly everyone's. There are so many options how do I even know which.... and what if I'm too late?" He felt himself shaking again. 

"I know, logically she couldn't have been a BT. They'd properly... disposed of her body. But I can't just have her crying out there somewhere. Looking for comfort and finding none... I need to he there for her..."

"When I jump Beaches, I follow smells and sounds calling out to me. Ones I've been to before have a familiar sense about them," Higgs explained carefully, feeling as though he was currently holding Heartman together by the strength of his arms and if he let go, or stopped talking, that the man he cared about would dissolve into the chiral matter that made up every being.

"You know your wife - or, you knew her. Move towards a Beach that feels like her, smells like her. Move towards one that calls to you," he breathed, squeezing his arms around Heartman a bit tighter.

"...if you're too late, I... it means she was strong enough to move on on her own. It means you had a strong little girl. That should mean something, at least..."

The only experience Higgs had with death was relief, and exhaustion. He didn't have these sort of emotional ties to death like Heartman. He had no clue how best to help except for the words he was saying now. The physical comfort he was providing best he could.

Heartman shook his head, burying his face in Higgs' chest. "I don't think I could go to her Beach. I don't think I could remember how to get there..." he breathed, trying to calm himself down.

"Heartman... that's where you should be checking. Beaches close to hers," he sighed, playing with the man's hair carefully.  
"I don't... I know I don't have a right, but I don't... want to lose you. Not now that I've found you..."

Heartman sniffed, letting himself breathe a little better. "I've never told anyone about her before..." he whispered, his voice feeling rough and broken.

"And you tell me on a first date," he hummed softly, smiling as he nuzzled against Heartman, holding the man close.  
"Either you really like me, or you're really broken... or maybe a mixture of the two, I suppose."

"I'm sorry..." he felt himself take a shaking breath. He already knew he'd wake up alone in the morning. 

"I really am... don't feel guilty if you don't want... maybe this is why I'm still single..." he breathed a weak laugh, not quite sure if it was a joke or not.

Higgs huffed slightly, tightening his grip around Heartman a bit.  
"Ain't gonna feel guilty for shit, cus I'm stayin right here, sugar. But you should definitely feel guilty for saying your still single when we agreed on dating," he teased gently, trying to lift the man's spirits with a little teasing play.

He had already decided he would try searching the Beaches for Heartman's kid. Taking in account that she was so young, she should still smell or feel like how Heartman feels and smells.

Heartman laughed, feeling his cheeks heat up. "I must be a good fuck if you still want to stay after this..." he joked back, feeling his muscles relax, exhaustion setting in.

"That's putting it lightly," Higgs hummed. "You're also brilliant and dedicated, and extremely aesthetically pleasing," he added with a grin and a soft kiss to the man's forehead.

"Besides, I've baggage of my own. It'd be awful of me to ignore all the good things because you decided I was a safe person to open up to."

Heartman laughed quietly, a yawn cutting him off. "Maybe someday you'd feel comfortable enough to unpack that baggage with me..." he hummed, moving himself back down under the covers. 

"I just want to sleep now... I really am sorry for telling you all this in this way..."

Shaking his head, Higgs joined Heartman back in bed, curling up around the other man, holding him close.

"Don't apologize for deeming me worthy of being vulnerable around," he murmured quietly, shaking his head. "Just sleep, darlin."

Heartman wrapped his arms around Higgs. He enjoyed being the little spoon, just held and comforted. 

He let his eyes drift shut, wondering if he'd wake up alone in the morning. He hoped not. Hoped he'd wake up, still in the other man's arms. But he still feared he'd wake up to an empty bed, just like he always did.


End file.
